- Lily Munster: Be careful, eh, those office parties can get a little wild...
- Herman Munster: Dear, eh, you don't have to worry about me, dear. I'm no Water Cooler Casanova. As a matter of fact, I'm so square, that I understand that some of the secretary's are starting to refer to me as Herman the Cube.
- Lily Munster: Now don't you think you should run along to bed?
- Eddie Wolfgang Munster: Okay.
- Lily Munster: Have you done everything? Have you put away your toys and brushed your fangs?
- Herman Munster: Grandpa, what am I going to do? I can't spend the rest of my married life sleeping on the couch and eating poon pits
- Grandpa: Herman, if you give in now, she'll have the upper hand forever. Aheh, But, If you hold out, she'll come around. That's the way to handle women!
- Grandpa: [Herman eats a prune pit] What are you doing?
- Herman Munster: Well, just in case she doesn't come around, I'm gonna get used to eating prune pits.
- Grandpa: Herman I hate to say it, but I think we're licked. Hm! I'm afraid you just don't have the personality and warmth you used to have. In other words, my boy, in that great furnace known as romance, your pilot light has gone out.
- Dr. Harvey Baxter: Now, tell me something about your background. For instance, where were you born?
- Lily Munster: Transylvania. My father is a Count.
- Dr. Harvey Baxter: And your husband?
- Lily Munster: No Count.
- Dr. Harvey Baxter: Bitterness is not the answer. I meant where was he born.
- Lily Munster: Oh, my husband was made, doctor, not born
- Dr. Harvey Baxter: Oh yes, of course, that's fine. Every woman should think her husband is a self made man.
- Lily Munster: Oh, he had help...
- Dr. Harvey Baxter: No look, tell me, is there another woman?
- Lily Munster: No, the doctor quit after Herman.
- Grandpa Munster: [after Herman wolfs down his food] Just like the old country. It does my heart good to see a man wolf his food.
- Grandpa Munster: [after a drunk Herman goes upstairs to a mad Lilly] In the mood she's in, she's liable to tear him to pieces. Good thing I'm good at jigsaw puzzles. I'd better hit the slab before the trouble starts.
- Herman Munster: Eh Doctor, I think your secretary is taking a sunbath. She jumped out the window and ran up the fire escape to the roof.
- Grandpa: When Herman and Lilly think their little boy is sick, they'll be so worried, it will bring them back together.
- Marilyn Munster: Grandpa, you're a psychologist!
- Grandpa: No I'm not, it's a trick I learned from watching old Shirley Temple movies.