- J. R. Finlater: [Opens a 4th story door, steps through, and falls into the back of a truck on the street below]
- Herman Munster: Say... there's no mother in there... or dog, or... or anything! There's not even a room in there.
- Alfred Swanson: They must have moved it.
- Herman Munster: [while towering over Alfred in a menacing manner] I think you fellows were trying to hurt me. You know, if you keep this up, I might get very angry! I might even report you to the Better Business Bureau... so there!
- Lily Munster: Eddie, I am very upset with you this morning. I told to keep Spot's water dish filled out in the yard. Last night he got thirsty, he went down the street, and drained Mr. and Mrs. Haslett's pool.
- Eddie Munster: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
- Lily Munster: Well Mrs. Haslett just phoned. She was very embarrassed when her husband went out for his morning dip, and dove into an empty pool.
- Marilyn Munster: What kind of a neigborhood is this, where people begrudge a poor dumb animal a drink of water?
- J. R. Finlater: This is a big city, Alfred. Somewhere there must be a big stupid guy with a face that looks like it's been in an accident before it happens.
- Lily Munster: What's new in the paper, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Oh, nothing much. Hey, the New York Museum is sending some archeologists to Transylvania.
- Lily Munster: Hm, well I hope they don't dig up anyone we know.
- J. R. Finlater: [talking about Herman] Did you ever see such a face?
- Alfred Swanson: That's a face?
- J. R. Finlater: It must be, he's talking out of it.
- Alfred Swanson: That's the first time I ever saw a ready made victim.
- Herman Munster: They asked me down their office and I signed the contract and they start shooting me tomorrow.
- Lily Munster: Shooting you?
- Herman Munster: Lily, that's a showbusiness expression, like, eh, roll 'em, lights, action, anchors away, that kind of stuff.
- Lily Munster: Oh Herman, I just can't wait to see your face on a wide screen. Forty feet wide and twenty feet tall. The audience's eyes will just pop out!
- Marilyn Munster: [noticing the title of the book Herman is carrying] The Method Actor?
- Herman Munster: One must dig deep to come up with the perfect character.
- Grandpa: You're telling me! That's how I found my first ten wives!
- Lily Munster: Herman, you had us so worried, one of these days you'll put us all in an early grave.
- Grandpa: Isn't that just like Lily, always looking at the bright side of things.
- Alfred Swanson: Yeah, J.R., I think the big goon finally got wise to us. I think our next move is to get out of town.
- J. R. Finlater: Yeah, but first we're gonna make a little call on our friend Herman Munster, and put him on permanent suspension in that big movie studio in the sky!
- Alfred Swanson: [arriving at the Munster's house] Gee, what a creepy place. Looks like rigor mortis set in.
- J. R. Finlater: Yeah, It's about to set in on Mr. Herman Munster!
- Spot: [Lets out a burst of flame]
- Lily Munster: Don't panic Spot! Turn down your burner, give us a chance to think!
- Herman Munster: [after J. R. gets buried in bricks from a stunt that backfired on him] I never knew making pictures was so hard on writers and directors.