The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Valerie Harper (1976)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Waldorf, Rowlf, Swedish Chef, Dr. Teeth, The Newsman, Clodhopper

Quotes 

• Waldorf : [Waldorf is alone in the box]  Sometimes I tickle myself. In fact, I think I'll tickle myself now.

  [he does so and laughs] 

• Waldorf : [impressed by Valerie Harper]  What a beautiful performer!

  Statler : Yeah, what a beautiful woman. You know, Waldorf, I think I'll go backstage and meet her.

  Waldorf : Why, you old fool, she wouldn't have anything to do with you! Besides I was thinking of going backstage.

  Statler : You? You? Why, you're old enough to be her grandfather!

  Waldorf : Why, you geriatric joker! We'll settle this, we'll flip for her.

  Statler : Okay.

  Waldorf : One, two, three!

  [Statler physically flips himself into the air] 

  Waldorf : You win.

• Mildred : [dancing with Dr. Teeth]  Do you think honesty is the best policy?

  Dr. Teeth : Oh, positively!

  Mildred : Well, you are a terrible dancer!

  Dr. Teeth : Another crack like that and your best policy will be an INSURANCE policy!

• Statler : I'll have you know I dated, and wined and dined some of the finest performers on the legitimate stage: Hayes, Langtree, Barrymore.

  Kermit the Frog : Wait a minute. You dated Ethel Barrymore?

  Statler : No, Lionel. Ethel was busy that night. To tell you the truth, we didn't dance much either.