- Singer: [singing] Sashay sashay through the sarcasm...
- Crow T. Robot: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm really sashaying through the sarcasm.
- Dr. Leopold: [during an interminable opening monologue] It's been a long twenty years.
- Tom Servo: It's been a long twenty MINUTES.
- Tom Servo: Mike, how come you don't look like this in your jumpsuit?
- Crow T. Robot: Are you sure you're buying the right KIND of jumpsuit?
- Tom Servo: Mike, what happened to the naked lady?
- Mike Nelson: There is no naked lady.
- Tom Servo: EXACTLY my point!
- Mike Nelson: [as the sheriff] You know, it's hard to keep my chunky torso balanced on my chicken legs.
- Tom Servo: [Speaking for Dr. Leopold as he adjusts various pieces of scientific equipment] I really must simplify my masturbation rituals
- Crow T. Robot: [Mike tries to dislodge Crow from the roof beams] Ahh, my friend the squeegee: I love you!
- Crow T. Robot: [the Doctor starts to pull off his shorts] Aargh! I'd rather see Sammo Hung wearing a Speedo!