Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)
The Final Sacrifice (1998)
Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo, Professor Bobo
Quotes
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Rowsdower : It's a cult
Tom Servo : They worship blue oysters.
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Pipper : McGregor! Troy McGregor? Thomas' son?
Troy : Yeah! Did you know him?
Tom Servo : Know him? He was delicious!
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Troy : Am I like him?
Tom Servo : No, he was masculine and likeable.
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Tom Servo : Quick, climb a tree! Trucks can't climb trees!
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Tom Servo : [in a little kid voice] Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?
Mike Nelson : Okay, but this is the *Final Sacrifice.*
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[Tom Servo sings an ode in response to Canada bashing]
Tom Servo : [sings] Oh I wish I was back in old Canada, a land which I never shall lampoon, how I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba, and the beauty that is Saskatoon...
Mike Nelson : [interrupts] Here, I got one.
[sings]
Mike Nelson : Oh I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta, drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur. As he scraped and he chiseled all the moose dung off his boots, I would learn that he's the Prime Minister!
Crow T. Robot : [sings] Oh I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings, Alannis Morrisette, Mike Myers too. No I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me. O Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Tom Servo : [annoyed] Now this is not in the spirit that I intended!
Mike Nelson : Oh, come on, give in, I mean, after all they gave us Ed the Sock - and Rush!
Crow T. Robot : Yeah! What are you defending? They're such feebs!
Tom Servo : OK, I'll try.
[sings in a hostile tone]
Tom Servo : Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island, and going on to bomb Ontario! Ha, ha! The destruction of Canada and all of its culture, is by far my fa-vo-rite scenario!
Mike Nelson : OK, now, that's a little strong...
Tom Servo : [manic] No, you were right Mike! This is much more fun!
[sings with angry gusto]
Tom Servo : Just *where* the hell does Canada get off sharing a border, with countries far superior to it? Why, you lousy stinkin', Francophonic, bacon-lovin' bastards, your country's just a giant piece of sh -...
Mike Nelson , Crow T. Robot : Whoa!
Mike Nelson : Okay, I think that's enough!
Tom Servo : [sobbing] I'm sorry! I have no sense of proportion! I'm a disgrace to my uniform!
Mike Nelson : That's OK, now calm down now. Mustn't hate, mustn't hate...
Crow T. Robot : At least not so overtly.
Mike Nelson : Exactly, must disguise our hate, just a little. It's okay now, Dudley.
Tom Servo : [sobbing] Pardonnez-moi, pardonnez-moi...
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Tom Servo : [upon seeing a junky old truck with laundry hanging from it] Oh, and who says there aren't any nice homes in Canada?
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Tom Servo : [singing] Rowsdower saves us, and saves all the world!
Crow T. Robot : [singing] He comes to save the day in a broken truck...
Mike Nelson : [singing] With a stinky denim jacket on his back...
Crow T. Robot : [seinging] He couldn't help this movie, which reeeeally sucked...
Mike Nelson : [singing] But at least we didn't have to see him... play hacky-sack...
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[Troy is wandering around in the woods]
Mike Nelson : So, I dropped the canteen and I got lost, right on schedule.
Tom Servo : Ah, next I have to fall, break my ankle, be attacked by coyotes and buried by a bear!
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Tom Servo : [watching Rowsdower toss and turn in his sleep] I'm exhausted, I've gotta take a nap after I'm done sleeping.
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[Rowsdower pours booze over his tattooed arm]
Tom Servo : Have a drink on me, tattoo.
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Tom Servo : And together they fought crime throughout southern Alberta!
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Tom Servo : [as Mike Pipper] Ooooooh! Fresh towels in the guest room!
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[a black-hooded cultist arrives at a house]
Tom Servo : Tee-hee. Tee-hee!
Mike Nelson : His head is still factory-wrapped.
Crow : [snickering] Is he a door-to-door executioner?
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Tom Servo : [as Satoris] Ow! You shot my butt! What the hell, you SHOT me in the BUTT!
[Satoris starts burning]
Crow : So Mike, most humans, when you shoot 'em in the butt, they burst into flames?
Mike Nelson : Uh, I dunno.
Crow : Can we try it? Turn around.
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Tom Servo : [said with a very American accent] Aw merde! Mon pied!
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Rowsdower : Well, kid, looks like we've had it!
Tom Servo : I probably only had about three weeks left anyway! Errrgh!
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Mike Nelson : [Troy is walking through a graveyard] People are dying to get...
Tom Servo : [cutting him off] No.
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Tom Servo : [singing] Doo, doo, doodoo...
Mike Nelson : [Rowsdower guns down two cultists] Gilles, no! Not Etienne!
