Nearly Departed (TV Series)

Grandpa's Date (1989)

Eric Idle: Grant Pritchard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Grandpa Jack Garrett : How do I look?

  Grant Pritchard : Same as usual. Pale, sweaty, like you're about to fall down.

• Helen McCormick : Your son-in-law gave you quite a build-up, you know.

  Grandpa Jack Garrett : Uh, yeah, well, I gotta be frank with you. It's been a long time since I did anything like this.

  Grant Pritchard : No, no, don't tell her that! Sounds like you've spent the last ten years chained in a closet with someone named Igor.

• Grandpa Jack Garrett : Are you hungry or do you wanna sit and talk for a while?

  Helen McCormick : Whatever you want is fine with me.

  Grant Pritchard : Perfect! Tell her you wanna grab a bottle of wine and go back to her place.

• Grant Pritchard : The woman's hot to trot!

  Claire Pritchard : Grant! You are so crass!

  Grant Pritchard : Take a look in her eyes. This woman's been there and back more times than the Starship Enterprise!

• Grant Pritchard : Now come on, Grandpa, tell her something interesting about yourself. Tell her you just climbed the Himalayas and spotted Elvis. You had brunch with Prince Charles. You were pearl-diving off the Grand Caymans with a long-legged model named Monique. Anything interesting.

  Grandpa Jack Garrett : I once took a Red Ball Express all the way to Denver.

  Grant Pritchard : I don't believe it. It's like coaching fungus.

• Grant Pritchard : You have a great body. I have a great body too. You know, you should check mine out. It's at plot 17, Cliffside Cemetery.

• Grant Pritchard : So, what's your sign? Mine's rigor mortis.

• Derek Dooley : Yesterday, in the gym when she was looking, I climbed up the ropes and wrote her name on the ceiling, holding the chalk in my teeth.

  Grant Pritchard : There's so much untapped talent in this family, it's scary!

• Liz Dooley : He has been seeing a lot of Helen lately, and he's been acting weird.

  Grant Pritchard : Well, so would you if your hormones hadn't kicked in since the Truman administration.

• Claire Pritchard : It's very sweet of you to cook dinner for them.

  Grant Pritchard : Well, I'm not leaving anything to chance, Claire. I'm gonna push this romance right along. You know, this is the same dinner I prepared the night I proposed to you.

  Claire Pritchard : Grant, the first time you proposed to me, I said no.

  Grant Pritchard : That's why I'm using twice as much wine.

• Grandpa Jack Garrett : She'll be here any second! How's the chow coming?

  Grant Pritchard : Chow? Mate, I cook gourmet cuisine. "Chow" is cooked by black-toothed geezers called Stumpy.

  Grandpa Jack Garrett : Sorry, I just don't want the lady to think I make bad grub!