Jack Klugman: Oscar Madison

Quotes 

• Oscar Madison : [interviewing football star Jake Metcalf]  Since we're gonna call this chapter in the book, 'Bones are Made for Breaking', we'll need more violent anecdotes...

  Jake Metcalf : Oh, I got a million of 'em.

  Oscar Madison : Let's pick out some of the funniest, OK?

  Jake Metcalf : [to his wife]  Hey, honey, how 'bout that time at the Super Bowl game last year, huh?

  Oscar Madison : You never played in the Super Bowl.

  Jake Metcalf : Well, I was in the stands, and some guy made a pass at my wife.

  Melanie Metcalf : Jake, he didn't make a pass at me.

  Jake Metcalf : Well, he pinched your hand. So I pinched his face, y'know?

• Oscar Madison : [with Myrna cowering in the background, uncomfortable hearing about violence]  What is the hardest you ever tackled a guy?

  Jake Metcalf : [Myrna whimpers]  I tackled a guy so hard one time...

  Jake Metcalf : [Myrna whimpers again]  ... his tattoos fell off!