The Practice (TV Series)

We the People (2003)

James Spader: Alan Shore

Quotes 

• Alan Shore : Mr. Markham, why kiss this woman?

  Randy Markham : Because I wanted to embarrass her the way she embarrassed me. I walked my smelly ass into her office, I walked my disgusting self right up to her and I kissed her to humiliate her.

  [to Debbie Huber, pointing his finger at her] 

  Randy Markham : Make you feel the way I felt! The way I still feel. Sitting in a courtroom, listening to you tell this judge and everybody that it took you three showers to get the smell off of you.

  [pounds the dais in front of him 4 times] 

• Alan Shore : I have issues with homeless people.

  Ellenor Frutt : What issues?

  Alan Shore : They don't like me. I think it must be cultural.

• A.D.A. Kate Barron : You're Alan Shore. What are you doing at a criminal bench trial?

  Alan Shore : Looking to meet women.

• Alan Shore : [to Randy]  So, how are we today, sir?

  Randy Markham : I... I just Halle-Berry'ed her. That's all I did.

  Alan Shore : I beg your pardon?

  Randy Markham : Like at the Oscars? Look, I just planted one on her 'cause when else would I get a chance? That's all I did.

  Alan Shore : I see.

• Alan Shore : [to Debbie Huber]  Debbie. Hello.

  Debbie Huber : You're dishonest, you know. Dressing him up like that in a suit! That is not what accosted me and you know it.

  Alan Shore : Debbie, this case was assigned to me. Certainly you know that. Do you think I like defending these kinds of people? You know this isn't technically relevant to the case, but I touched myself with you in mind last night. Your hair was very different, but anyway...

  [takes her by the elbow and starts walking with her] 

  Alan Shore : Just between you and me, it turns out Mr. Markham has a homeowner's insurance policy; cheap, but not totally worthless. If you were to, say, sue him civilly, you might get, say, $10,000.

  Debbie Huber : I would?

  Alan Shore : [puts his briefcase down next to Debbie]  The policy covers defamation of character. For you to allege his kissing you defamed you. Perhaps people thought you were a couple. The claim would be colorable with the assistance of a good attorney, which I am. Of course, I would need you to drop the criminal complaint. We'd wanna throw Randy a bone, wouldn't we? I bet you could use $10,000? Think of the shopping, Debbie?

  Debbie Huber : Isn't that like an illegal bribe?

  Alan Shore : Which means this would have to be our little secret.

• Tara Wilson : [to Shore]  Little advice: You might mock the law and get away with it, but don't make sport of me. Are we clear, Al?

  Alan Shore : So, you are attracted to me.

• Tara Wilson : [to Shore]  We can't expense new clothes for clients. Ah, not in the budget.

  Alan Shore : This is a top criminal firm in Boston. Surely we can afford $200?

  Tara Wilson : Ah, the top firm that you speak of is Donnell, Young, Dole and Frutt. Donnell is gone, Dole is gone, Washington is gone and we don't take clients shopping.

  Alan Shore : Do we take each other shopping?