Primetime Glick (TV Series)

Dennis Miller/Jerry Seinfeld (2001)

Martin Short: Jiminy Glick, Miss Gathercole, Various

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dennis Miller : I love the set, very Joe Pyne.

  Jiminy Glick : [delighted]  Joe Pyne! I LOVE Joe Pyne! Who's Joe Pyne?

  [Dennis laughs] 

  Jiminy Glick : Who is Joe Pyne?

  Dennis Miller : Joe Pyne was one of your predecessors. He broke down the barriers...

  Jiminy Glick : Broke down the barriers!

  Dennis Miller : Yes.

  Jiminy Glick : And so many barriers have been broken down, but don't you think politically, in the new climate that we're in, that there's not enough barriers being broke down, and people are so into themselves. What do you think about that, Dennis Miller, what I just said to you?

  Dennis Miller : I... kind of glazed over halfway through.

  Jiminy Glick : Glazed over, halfway through it.

  Dennis Miller : The first four words, up to that first preposition, I was completely on board. And then, I locked into those eyes, you reminded me of Dennis Hopper in the cage in "Apocalypse Now", and I thought, "I am on television with a complete MADMAN."

• Jiminy Glick : What I love about Dennis, it's one of his best things: He loves to bust my chops.

  Dennis Miller : I like to slightly massage you when I'm poking fun at you, so you...

  Jiminy Glick : Well, now we're back to the pool.

  Dennis Miller : ...Don't deaden...

  Jiminy Glick : Yes.

  Dennis Miller : ...And go inward, and you're not there for me to trash later on. I like to keep it alive. It's like one of the bodies in "Aliens 2" that they put in the pod, and the aliens couldn't quite eat them right away, they would sort of leave them on baseline, flatline them, so they could come in and suck their essence out periodically...

  Jiminy Glick : Suck their essence!

  Dennis Miller : ...That's what I like to do with you.

  Jiminy Glick : That's what you do so well!

  Dennis Miller : I like to suck your essence out periodically.

  Jiminy Glick : Everyone says: "No one sucks in Hollywood like Dennis Miller!"

• Dennis Miller : [as Jiminy is choking on a gumball]  I'd heimlich you, but my arms are three feet too short!

  Jiminy Glick : [laughs]  Wonderful, wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful.

  [Dennis laughs] 

• Jiminy Glick : [interviewing Jerry Seinfeld]  And one night, we got together watched your special. You kept on going,

  [imitating Jerry] 

  Jiminy Glick : "Why... do people..."

  [normal voice] 

  Jiminy Glick : And I can't remember anything else. But the phrasing was very unique.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Right.

  Jiminy Glick : And some people would say, "Boy, he seems kind of bland and there's a nothingness there", but I don't feel that. I feel that there's a wisdom to you. Just 'cause the eyes are so dull doesn't mean that there's not a machinery of wheels clicking away.

• Jiminy Glick : You know Cesar Romero?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Sure. He played the Joker in "Batman", the TV series.

  Jiminy Glick : No, I don't mean as a fan, dear. I mean, did you get to hang out with him, play pinochle?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well no, he's... I was twelve, he was seventy. So, we didn't, we didn't cross paths.

  Jiminy Glick : Who don't you like in show- who, who are you fed up with?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I- I don't really have anybody...

  Jiminy Glick : Delta Burke?

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...I'm a little tired of her, yes.

  Jiminy Glick : I knew it! I should really be a clairvoyant.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I've never seen a shirt collar actually go up like that. I don't mean to get personal, but there's only two buttons of your shirt visible before the shirt goes in the pants. I mean, the distance from the top of your shirt to your belt is three inches.

  Jiminy Glick : I'll tell you why- it's pilates.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I know you've been on every diet.

  Jiminy Glick : And how have you kept the weight down?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I keep it down because I've been successful at doing what I wanted to do, because a lot of people that are in show business are frustrated, and the frustration leads to eating and deviant sexual behavior, which is...

  Jiminy Glick : What are you trying to say, Jerry Seinfeld?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I'm just saying, y'know, deviant is however you define it.

  Jiminy Glick : Are you implying that I am a deviant?

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...No. I know you've...

  Jiminy Glick : I have four boys. Four wonderful, strapping boys: Morgan, Mason, Matthew, and Modine.

  Jerry Seinfeld : And what is your wife's name?

  Jiminy Glick : Dixie.

  Jerry Seinfeld : And how many years have you been married?

  Jiminy Glick : Twenty-three years of lovin'. And she knows I'm someone who just needs it.

  Jerry Seinfeld : So you lie on top of her with this body?

  Jiminy Glick : Now wait a second, Jerry...

  Jerry Seinfeld : There's a person that will allow you to get on top of them and sweat, like I imagine you're doing now...

  Jiminy Glick : WHY do I have to put up with this?

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...For eight to eleven minutes...

  Jiminy Glick : Let's talk about...

  Jerry Seinfeld : ...At least four times?

  Jiminy Glick : Wait a second. Let's talk about you, if you're so wise. Are you saying you never had- went through a period when you sweated too much or you were 300 pounds overweight?

  Jerry Seinfeld : If I sweat, it's from exercise or because the weather is warm.

  Jiminy Glick : [tapping Jerry with his rolled-up paper]  Are these the wonderful little observations that you put in your show?

  Jerry Seinfeld : A blind man could make these observations. You're an overweight, frustrated, unsuccessful, stammering, stuttering, sweating, y'know, completely out of your element individual.

  Jiminy Glick : Aren't you kind.

  Jerry Seinfeld : And yet, you make it work.

• Jiminy Glick : You've been a wonderful guest and maybe you would like to come back to the house. It's my birthday and Dixie's serving my favorite dinner: Caesar salad, smoked salmon sandwiches and a Singapore Sling.

  Dennis Miller : I'd love to, Jiminy, but I've got a previous engagement I just cannot get out of.

  Jiminy Glick : Oh. Where are you going?

  Dennis Miller : Not sure, not sure.