- Eldon Bromo: Welcome, I'm Eldon Bromo up tonight: an examination of the hearing damage caused by loud clothes... and an in-depth look at fabulously rich boring people. But first: Ghostbusters. Rip-off or scam?
- Sandy Van Sanders: It's the stuff of raw adventure as Dr. Venkman prepares to boldly go where no young, upwardly mobile scientist has gone before...
- Dr. Raymond Stantz: But Peter, that means going into the other dimension...
- Dr. Peter Venkman: Travel and danger, that's what some guys life for. Unfortunately, not me.
- Winston Zeddemore: Let's do it!
- Winston Zeddemore: I know you, you're from that news show!
- Dr. Peter Venkman: Elvis on UFO's? Underwear of the Famous?
- Dr. Raymond Stantz: Yeah...
- Eldon Bromo: Coming up: an examination of why anchormen feel compelled to add vacuous comments at the end of each report. But first, a word from our sponsor.
- Dr. Peter Venkman: Now Janine, remember, when I yank on the rope...
- Janine Melnitz: Skip it. I've seen Poltergeist.
- Sandy Van Sanders: Anything we can do?
- Dr. Peter Venkman: Keep your distance. Preferably on some other planet.
- Sandy Van Sanders: [turns to camera] How can he be so flippant at a time like this?