- Mellie: What are you doing lunch time?
- Ace Rimmer: Not sure, why?
- Mellie: Because if you;re interested, I'll be in my quarters, covered in maple syrup.
- Ace Rimmer: I'm sorry Mellie, I don't fraternize with the staff.
- Mellie: I resign.
- Ace Rimmer: I'll be there at 1300.
- Rimmer: [to Ace and Lister] Yeah, the sooner we get back, the sooner you two can climb into a nice, hot, soapy bath and play "spot the submarine".
- Rimmer: I don't believe anybody would want to go on a fishing holiday when they know there's no fish.
- Dave Lister: We used to do it all the time back home. Used to go down the canal. Never any fish in that. We used to go condom fishing. I swear, one time I caught this 2lb black ribbed knobbler. It was about that big!
- The Cat: Has anyone seen the keys to the medical cabinet? I feel a sudden urge to suffocate myself with a 2lb black ribbed knobbler!
- Rimmer: You don't like Reggie Wilson? What? Not even "Pop Goes Delius" or "Funking Up Wagner"?
- Dave Lister: I prefer something slightly more melodious like the long, drawn-out death rattle of a man suffering from terminal flatulence.
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: I know this probably won't interest you, but I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't at least suggest it.
- Ace Rimmer: Suggest what?
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: If you're interested, I'll be in my quarters at lunchtime, covered in taramasalata.
- Ace Rimmer: I didn't know your bread was buttered that side, Bongo.
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: It isn't, I've been happily married for 35 years. It's just, a chap like you can turn a guy's head.
- Ace Rimmer: I'm sorry, Bongo. Lunch is... on Mellie.
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: Would it make any difference if it was hummus?
- Ace Rimmer: I'm sorry, Bongo. I'm strictly butter-side up.
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: Understood.
- [Ace leaves]
- Admiral Sir James Tranter: What a guy.
- Ace Rimmer: Now, look here, Arnie. You can say what you like about me, but I won't hear a word against Skipper here.
- Rimmer: Skipper?
- Ace Rimmer: A man like him deserves a nickname. I thought Skipper sat rather well.
- Rimmer: Ace and Skipper? You sound like a kids TV series about a boy and his bush kangaroo.
- Lister: [explaining crash procedure] Sit down, tuck your head between your legs and brace yourself!
- Rimmer: Now what?
- Lister: Open the in-flight magazine, and start reading. The dullness of the articles acts as a sedative. I mean look at this contents list: "Salt, an epicure's delight", "Classic wines of Estonia", "Flemish weaving: the traditional way"...
- Lister: [to Cat] Don't fight it man, let it take ya...
- The Cat: [Lister, Cat and Kryten try to hide the fact they're going on a fishing holiday from Rimmer] What's he talking about?
- Dave Lister: I don't know. For some reason, he's got this crazy, whacked-out idea that we're going on a fishing holiday.
- The Cat: Fishing holiday?
- Rimmer: [Reads letter from the boys] Dear Rimmer, we're going on a fishing holiday to that ocean planet we passed two days ago. We tried to wake you, but couldn't. See you in three days, L, K and C.
- Ace Rimmer, Lister: [chanting] A wooga, a wooga, a wah, a wah! A wooga, a wooga, a wah!
- Ace Rimmer: What a team. How you got that housing clear I'll never know.
- Lister: Come on, Ace, it was you! I could never have reconnected that fuel line.
- Ace Rimmer: Well, I wouldn't have been able to do it if you hadn't been holding me by the ankles.
- Lister: Well, how could you hang upside down and fix the starboard engine? It was totally brutal!
- Ace Rimmer: What a team.
- Lister: What a team!
- Rimmer: Now I know where I've seen you two, weren't you the double-action centerfold in July's edition of Big Boys in Boots?
- Rimmer: Since the beginning of the Thirteenth Century, Belgium has been the home of some of the most remarkable weaving to come out of northwest Europe.