Photos
Quotes
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Rimmer : Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or - and this is my personal preference - "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.
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Rimmer : Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign.
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Rimmer : What about the Rimmer Directive that states quite clearly, "Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family"?
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Kryten : [after his faux-pas where he called Rimmer's mother an "old trout"] Well, if you'll excuse me, sir, I'll go now, this is clearly a very private family moment. I've no fish to embarrass you further. I'll let myself trout.
[realises what he's just said and becomes hysterically embarrassed again]
Kryten : Oh, sir! I don't... I'm so sorry!
Rimmer : Just go.
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Kryten : [about a woman in Rimmer's old home movie] Who's that there? An old girlfriend, Mr. Arnold, sir?
Rimmer : Hardly.
Kryten : Oh, no, not really your type, I suppose. Silly old trout like that.
Rimmer : She's my mother.
Kryten : Oh, God! I am so sorry, sir!
Rimmer : Just forget it.
Kryten : Oh, how can I forget it, sir? I compared your mother to a foolish, aged, blubbery fish! I said she was a simple-minded, scaly old piscine! I intimated that she was an ugly, lung-less marine animal with galloping senility! A putrid, amphibious gill-breather with, with, with less brains than a mollusc!
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Rimmer : [watching his mother in an old home movie] There she is. Magnificent woman. Very prim, very proper. Some say austere. Some people took her for cold, thought she was aloof. Not a bit of it. Just despised idiots. No time for fools. Tragic, really, otherwise we would have got on famously.
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Dave Lister : I HATE snakes, they freak me out totally, snakes. They are my all time second-worst fear, guy.
Rimmer : What's your first?
[the Polymorph suddenly launches itself into the room]
Dave Lister : This.
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Lister : I could have had it in the sleeping quarters but you saw it, you saw it - it took me by surprise.
Rimmer : Lister, it turned into an 8 foot tall armour-plated alien killing machine.
Lister : If it wants a barney we'll give it one! One swift knee in the happy-sacks, it'll drop like anyone else!
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[the shape-shifting polymorph has transformed into boxer shorts that Lister has just put on. Lister feels them shrinking and tightening around his groin and falls to the floor, begging for help. Kryten, who is wearing his vacuum hose groinal attachment, kneels down and tries to pull off the boxer shorts as Lister writhes and bounces around on the floor. At which moment Rimmer enters and sees what looks very much like Kryten having sex with Lister. Finally Kryten removes the shrunken boxer shorts]
Rimmer : Well, I can't say I'm totally shocked. You'll bonk anything, won't you, Lister?
