- Dan Conner: That's my Canoga Beer Cuckoo clock.
- Roseanne: You mean the one where the drunk bear comes out every hour and burps?
- Dan Conner: That's the Canoga Bear. And he doesn't burp, he growls.
- Roseanne: Burps.
- Dan Conner: Growls.
- Roseanne: Burps.
- Dan Conner: Growls.
- Roseanne: Burps.
- Dan Conner: Growls.
- Roseanne: Dan, he pops out of there with his beer mug. The belching bear goes!
- Jackie Harris: Booker, why do you screw up all of our dates?
- Booker Brooks: What do you mean dates? This is our first time going out.
- Jackie Harris: I know, and it's our fourth date!
- Booker Brooks: [trying to explain to Jackie why he is so late for their date] I was on the phone with my mother.
- [Jackie makes a face, Dan snickers]
- Booker Brooks: I was!
- Roseanne: Jeeze, Booker, you ought to take a shovel around with you when you travel.
- Dan Conner: Listen to this.
- [sets clock to the hour, then sings]
- Dan Conner: Any time's the perfect time for a Canoga Beer! The bear's the one to have friends and fun, so have a Canoga Beer! Ca-no-ga!
- [Bear comes out of the clock and burps]
- Jackie Harris: I went all out for you, I got a new dress, I spent an hour on my hair...
- Booker Brooks: You did all that for me?
- Jackie Harris: No, I did it so I could fold clothes in my sister's bedroom.
- Booker Brooks: I feel flattered.
- Jackie Harris: I don't want you to feel flattered, I want you to feel as bad as I do.
- Jackie Harris: [Examining a rock concert t-shirt] I don't remember getting this.
- Roseanne: I think you got that the same night you got that hissing viper tattoo.
- D.J. Conner: You have a tattoo? Can I see?
- Roseanne: You're too young.
- Dan Conner: Oooh, can I see?
- Roseanne: You're too eager.