- Jackie Harris: [while reading a newspaper] Roseanne, listen to this. "Utah Housewife Stabs Husband 37 Times".
- Roseanne Conner: I admire her restraint.
- Roseanne Conner: [teasing about who would get the kids, if they divorced] I'd give them to Jackie.
- Dan Conner: Hell, even I don't hate her *that* much.
- Becky Conner: Cindy Clark's mother let *her* babysit when she was nine.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a drunken slut.
- [later]
- Becky Conner: Dad, Cindy Clark's mom pays her $2.00 an hour to babysit.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a rich, drunken slut.
- Roseanne Conner: All that lovey-dovey crap is a dead giveaway. It's fightin' that keeps a marriage together.