Roseanne (TV Series)

Terms of Estrangement: Part 2 (1992)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Mark Healy : [to Roseanne about Becky]  Hey, I'm gonna take care of her, okay? Just back off.

  Roseanne Conner : [snickers]  Foolish boy. Oh, you know nothing of my powers, do you? See, I'm not just some royal pain in your butt anymore. I'm your mother-in-law. You think I've made your life difficult so far? Well, now I'm family, And you've seen the way I treat my family.

• Becky : [to Roseanne over the phone]  We're only coming back if you agree to some ground rules.

  Roseanne Conner : What kind of rules?

  Becky : Number one, no yelling. Number two, you can't...

  Roseanne Conner : Well, nice talking to you, Becky.

  Becky : Come on, Mom. You said you wouldn't hang up. Look, you can have some rules too.

  Roseanne Conner : Okay. No eloping.

  Becky : Mom...

  Roseanne Conner : Well, don't come walking in this house like you've won some great, big victory over me and your dad. Don't be expecting our blessing, don't be expecting any money and don't be expecting.

• Becky : Mom, Darlene won't let me move the beds together so Mark and I can sleep together.

  Roseanne Conner : So... who am I supposed to be angry at?

  Darlene : I am not moving to D.J.'s room so she and my dork in-law can conceive some demon spawn in my bed! I'm gonna sit on my bed until morning.

• Dan Conner : [to Roseanne]  Hey. Coffee maker's broke again.

  Roseanne Conner : So are we. So fix it!

  Dan Conner : [reaching for the coffee-maker cord]  I'm sorry, honey, I've done everything I can. We'll have to let go. I'm pulling the plug.

• Roseanne : Your sister's leaving.

  D.J. : [cheerfully]  See ya!

  Roseanne : [D.J. leaves the room]  I hope you know how hard that was for him.

• Jackie Harris : [after Dan informs Roseanne that her coffee maker is dead]  Be nice, Roseanne. I brought you breakfast.

  Roseanne Conner : Awww, coffee cake. Ironic, isn't it?

• Roseanne Conner : Well, I'd love to stay and chat with you, Becky, but I have to slam the phone down now.

• Becky : [to Roseanne]  So, how are things around here?

  Roseanne Conner : How do you think?

  Becky : He needed a job. He had to go. What was I supposed to do?

  Roseanne Conner : Well, how about let him go? Do you think he'd drop everything to follow you some place?

  Becky : Yes, I do. You know, it was Mark's idea to get married.

  Roseanne Conner : Well, call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with living in sin?

• Roseanne Conner : [to Dan]  Well, that was real pretty.

  Dan Conner : I don't want to talk about it. Where are they sleeping?

  Roseanne Conner : I thought you said you didn't want to talk about it.

  Dan Conner : Where are they sleeping?

  Roseanne Conner : They're sleeping in the girls' room, And Darlene's going in D.J.'s room.

  Dan Conner : Perfect.

  Roseanne Conner : Well, it was either that or let them go to some cheap motel where they'd actually enjoy it.

• Dan Conner : [about Becky]  She's 17 years old. I throw the punk out and we get this thing annulled.

  Roseanne Conner : Yeah, and then in two months on her 18th birthday, she goes and does the exact same thing again only this time she hates us, and we don't see her no more.

  Dan Conner : So that's your brilliant plan? We do nothing?

  Roseanne Conner : Yeah. Yeah, that is my plan. 'Cause this way, at least we get birthdays and we get holidays. Maybe we get a phone call once in a while, but you go up there and you do something stupid, Dan, we will lose her.

  Dan Conner : No, I wouldn't want to go up there and do something stupid 'cause God knows she sure didn't! You know what's gonna happen? She's gonna get pregnant, she's gonna forget all about school. This is it! This is her life!

• Roseanne Conner : What do you want to happen, Dan? You're screaming at me, okay? You're walking around here like some psycho. What exactly is it that you want to happen?

  Dan Conner : I want my bike shop back. I want my daughter back. I want things back the way they were before I screwed everything up.

• Roseanne Conner : So, are those like your wedding jeans? Cuz you might wanna save those so you can pass them on to your own daughter.

• Roseanne Conner : [to Dan about Becky]  She's not blaming you, Dan. She's really happy right now. She's gonna wait until this whole marriage thing goes to hell and then she'll blame you. You've been a great father, Dan. She's healthy, she's happy and she can handle herself.