Roseanne (TV Series)

The Dark Ages (1992)

Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner

Quotes 

• D.J. : I'm bored.

  Darlene : And stupid. Don't forget stupid.

• Darlene : Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex.

  Dan : [pause]  I don't think that'll work.

• Dan : [the electricity has been shut off, and the Connors are trying to entertain themselves by telling stories]  But I bet your Mom could make up a good one, couldn't you, honey?

  Roseanne : Oh, okay, let's see. Um, ah! I got one, okay. Well, once upon a time there was these four princesses, and they lived in this great big house all together and they never left, okay? And uh, they just sat around all the time talking and talking, and yammering and yammering. And they killed every single man who ever came over there, except for one who they kept as a pet. And then one time these two princesses left, and then these other two came on and they really stunk, and...

  Darlene : Mom, that's "Designing Women".

• Roseanne : [to Darlene]  Monday, we'll go to the gynecologist and get you some birth control.

  Darlene : Why?

  Roseanne : Well, because I just don't think I'm responsible enough to be a grandmother yet.

  Darlene : Nothing happened last night, I told you that.

  Roseanne : Oh, Darlene, he spent the whole night in your room. I'm not stupid.

  Darlene : Yeah, well, neither am I. First of all, I don't want to have sex yet. And second, you think I'd do it with you 20 feet away?

  Roseanne : Why not? You can do it real quiet without us knowing about it.

  Darlene : Really? You can't!

  Roseanne : [after a long pause]  You mean you can hear us?

  Darlene : Last night, I had to tell David you were moving furniture.

• Darlene : I don't believe this! You guys are both treating me like I'm Becky! I'm not Becky! I don't go to the mall like Becky, I don't do great laundry like Becky, I don't love school like Becky and I don't sleep with my boyfriend like Becky!

  Roseanne : So what are you getting at, Becky?