Roseanne (TV Series)

This Old House (1992)

Laurie Metcalf: Jackie Harris

Quotes 

• Roseanne : Let's face it, Jackie, our family was like, totally screwed up. Which is probably why I got fat and why you can't have any decent relationship with any man.

  Jackie : Or... maybe, I just never found the right guy, and you never found the wrong doughnut.

• Roseanne : Even the old vent's still here.

  Jackie : Oh yeah! Hey, Mom and Dad never did figure out that we could always hear what was going on in their bedroom through that. All that screaming and fighting and yelling and crying.

  Roseanne : Yeah, we never did hear any sex, unless that's what all the screaming and crying was about.

  Jackie : Remember when we used to listen at it whenever we were in trouble? Gave us that chance to run in and confess first.

  Roseanne : Yeah, five minutes before they came to the door.

  Jackie : Well that helped, earned us those honesty points.

  Roseanne : Yeah, or gave us a chance to get our stories straight.

• Roseanne : [Jackie comments that their father spanked them]  Spanked? Face it, Jackie, he beat us.

  Jackie : Back then, lots of kids were spanked with belts.

  Roseanne : Yeah but did their dads have the belt on a big old razor strap thing right above the door that as soon as you got home you had to wonder if you'd do something to get out of line and he'd take it down?

  Jackie : Probably just to psyche us out.

  Roseanne : Well it sure worked. Remember when he'd make us go and bring it to him?

  Jackie : Well Mom was no help, she just stayed in the kitchen washing the damn dishes and ignored it.

  Roseanne : Well that was Mom's answer to everything, just ignore it and it goes away.

• Jackie : [watching Roseanne climb in their bedroom window]  I just flashed on Winnie the Pooh in the honey tree!

• Jackie : [in their old bedroom]  Shhhh, don't want to wake up Mom and Dad!

  Roseanne : Oh gee, Jackie, well after the concert Dan and I got married and had three kids. Don't tell Mom!