Roseanne (TV Series)

Two Down, One to Go (1993)

John Goodman: Dan Conner

Quotes 

• D.J. Conner : There's cake in the fridge. Dad, make Mom give us cake.

  Dan Conner : [adopting a hilarious hick attitude]  Woman, my son here wants cake. So does your man. I'd better see me some cake fixin' goin' on here! Right now! I mean it! Don't make me come over there!

  Dan Conner : [Roseanne and Jackie are cracking up. Dan switches back to a normal voice]  Son, I just lost control of the house; it's every man for himself.

• Dan Conner : [about Darlene's ride to college]  You already told her David could take her.

  Roseanne : Yeah, I know... but so what! You could *forbid* me to do that.

  Dan Conner : [astonished]  In what universe?

• Roseanne : Please, Dan, please forbid me! I thought you were supposed to be the man of this house!

  Dan Conner : *No you did not*!

• Darlene : [why Darlene doesn't want her Mother to take her to college]  Because she's just going to go psychotic when we get up there and she sees I've got my own life now! You know she's going to rag on everything: my school, my apartment, my roommate!

  Dan Conner : Yes! Yes! She absolutely will! And every time she slams you, you'll know she's suffering! And the only way your Mother can deal with pain, is to spread it around!

• Dan Conner : [to Darlene, separating her and her Mother]  Your hair's going out the door. You might want to follow.

• Dan Conner : [to Roseanne]  Well, drive safe, and don't flip off anybody you can't out run.

• Dan Conner : You're beautiful.

  Roseanne : You're horny!

  Dan Conner : So, do you want to be ribbed or tickled tonight?

  Roseanne : Let's not use nothing.

  Dan Conner : You don't think our lovemaking is dangerous enough?

  Roseanne : I want another kid. Maybe the fourth one will be one of them worker kids who support you in your old age and avenge your death like in movies and stuff.

  Dan Conner : Ooh, a fictional child.