- Dan Conner: [to Roseanne] Hey, I heard about the overtime. How long?
- Roseanne Conner: I don't know. Two weeks maybe.
- Dan Conner: Oh, man. That's really gonna be tight. I gotta finish roofing that garage, plus I got two driveways to pour. Plus Dwight says they might a drywall job lined up for me.
- Roseanne Conner: Plus we gotta live through it.
- Roseanne Conner: [to the waitress] Hey, let me ask you something. Do you ever have to work overtime?
- Waitress: Honey, my whole life is overtime.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, I know what you mean. I gotta check in the hospital just to get a vacation.
- Waitress: As long as it isn't the maternity ward.
- Waitress: My Marvin passed away about 7 years ago. I miss him. He was a good man. The hardest part is going home at night to an empty house. It's so damn quiet. Y'know, sometimes, I turn on the ball game and turn it up real loud like he used to do and I hate sports. But what are you gonna do?
- Booker Brooks: Listen up, I got an important announcement.
- Roseanne Conner: You're a woman trapped in a man's body?
- Dan Conner: Where'd you find a flower this time of night?
- Roseanne Conner: The cemetery.
- Dan Conner: Ahh, you've been picking out my plot!
- Booker Brooks: [to Roseanne, Jackie and Crystal who are arguing with each other] Hey, knock off the yelling in there!
- Roseanne Conner: We're just practicing the company cheer, Booker.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] Okay, tell Dwight to tell Dad that I got overtime tonight so he has to pick up dinner for you kids.
- Becky Conner: Great. Can we get Chipper Chicken?
- Roseanne Conner: You can get Happy Hamster for all I care.
- Dan Conner: [while he's on the phone ordering pizza] Give me a large deluxe with everything including anchovies.
- D.J. Conner: No anchovies.
- Dan Conner: [on the phone] Just a minute.
- [to DJ]
- Dan Conner: What do you want on your pizza?
- D.J. Conner: Pineapple.
- Dan Conner: Pineapple? This ain't a luau, Don Ho.
- Roseanne Conner: Becky, I ask you to do one thing and you didn't do any of 'em. You gotta learn some responsibility here. I mean, you are the oldest daughter, the second woman in command. You're the heiress to my throne here.
- Becky Conner: All right. I'll go fold the royal underwear.
- Roseanne Conner: [to D.J. about his picture] This is a pretty picture. Is this the one for school?
- [D.J nods]
- Roseanne Conner: There's Daddy and me, and Becky and you... where's Darlene?
- D.J. Conner: Right there.
- [points at the picture]
- Roseanne Conner: That looks like a bunch of flowers.
- D.J. Conner: I know. That's her grave.
- Dan Conner: Hey, Becky. Get in here. We gotta discuss something.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, God. This ain't the Ward Cleaver speech, isn't it?
- Roseanne Conner: Rule number one, no painting in the house.
- Dan Conner: Rule number two, no animals in the house.
- Roseanne Conner: Rule number three...
- [loud crash]
- Darlene Conner: Mom!
- Roseanne Conner: No children in the house.
- Juanita Herrera: Well at least we'll be making some extra money.
- Crystal Anderson: I did some figuring last night. By the time I pay my daytime baby-sitter and then pay her extra to drive my boy across town to the nighttime sitter and then pay for all the gasoline, I figure this overtime is costing me a $1.25 an hour.
- Roseanne Conner: Don't forget to add in the guilt.
- Jackie Harris: [after they get in trouble with Booker] I supposed you're gonna point the finger at me.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, and you know which one.
- Roseanne Conner: Becky, there's paint all over the rug.
- Becky Conner: Oh, Pebbles got loose and ran across D.J.'s painting.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, this paint better come off or that pig's gonna be mounted above the fireplace.
- Becky Conner: Don't worry. It's washable.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, then wash it and find another place to live.
- Roseanne Conner: [When Dan and Darlene come home] Where've you been?
- Dan Conner: Standing in front of South Elementary gym for the last hour looking for your daughter.
- Darlene Conner: Mom, I couldn't help it. The band room was locked.
- Dan Conner: For 45 minutes? I thought you were kidnapped.
- Darlene Conner: I wish I had been.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, go up to your room and leave the window open. Maybe you'll get lucky.
- Roseanne Conner: Why is it that a guy can hoist a three-ton truck to check for an oil leak but he can't lift a two-ounce toaster to clean up crumbs?