Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Steve Martin/Eric Clapton (1994)

Steve Martin: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Steve Martin : Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream, New Formula. You know it's safe. Why? Because it's tested on animals. And, if you order by mail, don't worry, it's shipped in a plain brown wrapper with the words "Not Penis Cream" stamped all over it in big red letters. So pick up a jar today, and remember, it's the only cream with a picture of my penis on it.

• Dave Marcus : Well, Steve... I've found I have a lovelier, more luxurious, softer penis than I ever had with other beauty creams, probably because it's the first beauty lotion made especially for the johnson. I'll tell you, i-if I could afford it, I would use your cream 24 hours a day.

  Steve Martin : And, is your wife more attracted to you now that you've been using my cream?

  Dave Marcus : Well, Steve, my wife recently left me, But before, before she did, she said: "I hope you and your Steve Martin's Beauty Cream will be very happy.

  Steve Martin : Well, that's a lovely tribute. Thank you, Dave.