Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Christopher Walken/Weezer (2001)

Jimmy Fallon: Self, Various, Weekend Update Anchor

Quotes 

• Jimmy Fallon : Here now with a friendly reminder on "Weekend Update", is our alumni anchor Kevin Nealon, ladies and gentlemen.

  Kevin 'Mr. Subliminal' Nealon : Thank you, Jimmy! Uh, I just want to take a moment here, if I may, to clear up some confusion. For a number of years, I was a castmember here at "Saturday Night Live", but I haven't been since 1995, some 6 years ago. And yet, some people still come up to me and say, "Mr. Nealon, it's Saturday. Shouldn't you be getting out to New York for the show?" Or, "Hey, Mr. Nealon, you were funny on the show last night, love that Mr. Subliminal!" And then I have to explain that I'm not on the show anymore, what you're watching are reruns on Comedy Central. You see, I'm not a part of this cast - overrated. I don't even know these people. I really don't. And, to be honest with you, I have no connection whatsoever with this show anymore - lawsuits. In fact, I have not seen Lorne Michaels in, like, four years - restraining order. And quite frankly, it takes everything I have to stay up this late right now - coked up. So, once again, recapping, I am no longer on this show. I'm off doing bigger and better things right now - "Hollywood Squares". I guess you could say that, I guess you could say I moved on - trailer park - and that's good.

  Jimmy Fallon : Wait, so, let me, let me understand... that you are, you are not on this current cast?

  Kevin 'Mr. Subliminal' Nealon : No, Jimmy. Now, don't let my being here tonight confuse you - George W. - this is actually a live show that you're watching tonight. Unless, of course, you're doing something else - hot sex - I don't know. Now, Jimmy's lucky here, because he's up here working with people like Tina Fey - lesbo - and that's great; of course, not to mention, the other cast - white trash - they're all great, they're all great. But yes, I left, and sometimes people do that, they leave. Molly Shannon was part of this cast, and now she's off doing movies - porno - and so, summing up, where you see me are on the reruns. Enjoy them. I, I think they still hold up - residual checks - I really do.

  Jimmy Fallon : That's good to know, Kevin, thanks.

  Kevin 'Mr. Subliminal' Nealon : Oh, thank you... thank you, Jimmy Fallon - lesbo - nice to be back.

• Jimmy Fallon : Christian Browning, the son of Daphne du Maurier, who wrote the horror story "The Birds", was attacked by birds outside his home in England. Very worried right now, the son of whoever wrote "The Blob"?