Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Alternate Side (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry : I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?

  Rental Car Agent : We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.

  Jerry : But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.

  Rental Car Agent : I think I know why we have reservations.

  Jerry : I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

• Rental Car Agent : Would you like to purchase the renter's insurance?

  Jerry : Yeah, you better give me the insurance because I'm going to beat the HELL out of this thing.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry : It seems the way they've designed the car alarm is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it... Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a car alarm that was a little more subtle? Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes... "Excuse me?" I would like a car alarm like that.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry : The best part of a relationship is when you're sick. And the best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. But if I was to get married, you know those vows, "For richer or for poorer, for better or for worse." All I need is the sickness. That to me is the most important one. "Do you take this man in sickness?" That's the only time I need somebody there. The rest of the time, go out, have a ball. Do whatever you want. But if I get the sniffles, you better be there.