- George Costanza: [George had been banned from Paisano's] Well, this is bad. I am really in a bad situation now.
- Jerry: So what is Steinbrenner going to do if he doesn't get his calzone?
- George Costanza: What's he gonna do? That's exactly the point! Nobody knows what this guy is capable of. He fires people like it's a bodily function!
- Cosmo Kramer: [hunched over a massive pile of change] Hey buddy.
- Jerry: What the hell is all this?
- Cosmo Kramer: It's my change. I need quarters for the dryer.
- Jerry: Why can't you do this on your own table?
- Cosmo Kramer: Because I don't have a table.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Come on, Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars? He made a bet he knew he was gonna lose just to take you to dinner.
- Elaine Benes: If he wanted to ask me out, why didn't he just ask me?
- Jerry Seinfeld: Because if he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't get rejected. He found a dating loophole.
- Elaine Benes: So, what movie are you guys gonna see?
- Nicki: Means to an End.
- Elaine Benes: Oh, we were gonna see that too, but it's sold out. So, we're gonna see Blame it on the Rain.
- Jerry Seinfeld: [to Nicki] Let's see what you can do.
- Nicki: Okay
- Elaine Benes: What's she gonna do? They don't have any more tickets.
- [Nicki returns with two tickets to Means to an End]
- Policeman: Do you know what the posted speed limit is on this road?
- Jerry Seinfeld: 55?
- Policeman: That's right, it is. You know how fast you were going?
- Jerry Seinfeld: [laughs] A lot faster than that.
- Jerry Seinfeld: So, what happened after the movie?
- Elaine Benes: Nothing. He walked me home.
- Jerry Seinfeld: To the door?
- Elaine Benes: Yeah.
- Jerry Seinfeld: That's a date.
- Elaine Benes: No, it's not.
- Jerry Seinfeld: But I never walk you home.
- Elaine Benes: That's because you're a jackass.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I gotta get going.
- Elaine Benes: Where are you going?
- Jerry Seinfeld: I promised Nicki I'd walk her dog.
- Elaine Benes: But she dumped you.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I know, I know, but somehow she explained it to me, I couldn't say no.
- Policeman: I got you on the radar at 93 miles per hour.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, you must have got me when I slowed down to take that curve, because for a while there, I was doing well over a hundred.
- Nicki: Officer? Hi. Do you really have to give us a ticket?
- [first lines]
- Jerry: Have you noticed that every little place you go into lately has that tip jar on the counter? What is the service that this tip is for, anyway? I mean, isn't the man basically just turning around? Isn't that really all it is? I think we're tipping people now just for the absence of outright hostility. Thanks very much, and here's a little something extra for not taking my head and smashing my face through the glass counter-top. Really good service here.