Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Cartoon (1998)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : Oh no, it's Sally Weaver.

  Cosmo Kramer : Oh! Yeah your old college roommate huh?

  Jerry Seinfeld : No, it's Susan Ross's old college roommate; she moved to New York a few years ago. She's trying to become an actress.

  Cosmo Kramer : Ah, dramatica comedia.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Untalented, She's always inviting me to see her in some bad play in a tiny room without ventilation. It's really depressing.

  Cosmo Kramer : We don't go to enough theater.

  Jerry Seinfeld : She should just give up.

  [Sally approaches] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Hey!

  Sally Weaver : Hey there, mister "too big to come to my shows". I just came from tap, I'm all "Whoo!" I'm on my way to an audition. I'm still looking for that big break.

  Cosmo Kramer : Why don't you just give up.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Kramer.

  Cosmo Kramer : Well that's what Jerry says. Now face it, if it hasn't happened, it's not gonna happen. All right.

  [claps] 

  Cosmo Kramer : I'm gonna go grab us a booth. Join us?

  [Kramer leaves] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : So... Susan's dead...

• Elaine Benes : Did you read the comics today?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well I see Ziggy's back at the complaint department. "The New Yorker's stealing my ideas."

  [laughs] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : See, that's funny.

• Cosmo Kramer : [regarding Sally Weaver]  I thought you said she stinks.

  Jerry Seinfeld : She DOES stink. And she SHOULD quit. But I don't want it to be because of me. It should be the traditional route: Years of rejections and failures 'til she's spit out the bottom of the porn industry.

• Elaine Benes : She does a full hour about how you're the devil? I gotta go see this thing.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Good luck, it's sold out for the next three weeks.

• Elaine Benes : It's better than your drawings of naked Lois Lane.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Where did you see that? Those are private!