- George Costanza: This
- [costume]
- George Costanza: isn't mine, the Institute gave it to me! The Institute!
- George Costanza: Why would I spend seven dollars to see a movie that I could watch on TV?
- Cosmo Kramer: Well, why go to a fine restaurant when you can just stick something in the microwave? Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill?
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: Gum is one of the weirdest human inventions. It's not a liquid. It's not a solid. It's not a food. What is it? It isn't really anything. You know, I mean, it's like a stationary bike for your jaw. Remember when you were in school, and teachers would get all riled up if they caught you with gum? When you're a kid, you think, "What is the big deal?" But as an adult, I can understand it because when you're chewing gum you don't look like you're too thrilled with anything anybody has to say.
- Cosmo Kramer: [disgustedly, at seeing Elaine come in with drenched hair and clothes] Elaine --- honeyyyy --- I know you're trying to get Lloyd to notice you, but this is too much --- going around in a WET T-SHIRT...!
- Elaine Benes: [with an exasperated sigh] I got SPRAYED with the HOSE!
- Newstand Owner: [to George dressed as Henry VIII] I beg your pardon, your majesty, but we don't accept bills with lipstick on the President.
- Jerry Seinfeld: I think I finally figured it out what the flavor is in this gum. It's a little lo meiny.