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Quotes
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Jerry Seinfeld : So he just gets soup. He wants to save the meal. So now I got to do it all over again.
Elaine Benes : What kind of soup did he get?
Jerry Seinfeld : I don't know. Consomme or something.
Elaine Benes : Consomme, hmm.
Jerry Seinfeld : What?
Elaine Benes : Well, that's not really a meal, Jerry. I mean, if he had gotten Chicken Gumbo, or Matzah Ball, or Mushroom Barley. Then I would agree with you. Those are very hearty soups.
Jerry Seinfeld : Elaine, you're missing the whole point.
Elaine Benes : What?
Jerry Seinfeld : The meal is the act of sitting down with him. It doesn't matter what you get. As long as he's sitting in that restaurant, it's a meal.
Elaine Benes : Was it a cup or a bowl?
Jerry Seinfeld : You see - ah, uh...
Elaine Benes : I'm just curious.
Jerry Seinfeld : A bowl, okay?
Elaine Benes : Did he crumble any crackers in it?
[Jerry exhales in exasperation]
Elaine Benes : Did he crumble any crackers in it?
Jerry Seinfeld : As a matter of fact, he did.
Elaine Benes : Oh, well. Crackers in a bowl. That, that could be a meal.
Jerry Seinfeld : It's like I'm talking to my Aunt Sylvia here.
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Kramer : What, you're giving him this suit?
Kenny : That's right, and it's an Armani.
Kramer : Armani? Hey, Armani, Jerry.
Jerry Seinfeld : Yes, yes, I heard.
Kramer : Come on, try it on.
Jerry Seinfeld : No, it's okay.
Kramer : Come on, I want to see how it fits.
Jerry Seinfeld : All right, all right.
Kramer : There you go.
Jerry Seinfeld : Okay, yeah, all right.
Kramer : Oh boy, that looks great. I can't believe you're giving him this.
Kenny : I don't even want anything for it.
Kramer : He's very generous, isn't he?
Jerry Seinfeld : Yes, yes, he is.
Kenny : I'll tell you what - you can take me out to dinner some time.
Jerry Seinfeld : [in tones of dread] Dinner?
Kenny : Yeah. You buy me a meal - you can't get a better deal than that.
Kramer : No, you'll never get a better deal than that!
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Kenny : You worn the suit yet?
Jerry Seinfeld : No, not yet.
Waiter : [the waiter comes up] Have you decided?
Kenny : Oh, get the swordfish. Best swordfish in the city. The best, Jerry.
Jerry Seinfeld : I'll have the salmon.
Waiter : And you?
Kenny : Ahh, you know what I think. I'm just going to have soup. Yeah, I'll save the meal for another time.
Jerry Seinfeld : Another time? What other time?
Kenny : I had a hot dog earlier. I'm not that hungry.
Jerry Seinfeld : No, no, Bania, no. This is the dinner. The soup counts.
Kenny : Soup's not a meal. You're supposed to buy me a meal.
Jerry Seinfeld : I'm not stopping you from eating. Go ahead and eat. Get anything you want.
Kenny : I don't want anything but soup.
Jerry Seinfeld : Then that's the meal.
Kenny : But I had the hot dog.
Jerry Seinfeld : I didn't tell you to have a hot dog. Who told you to have a hot dog?
Kenny : Hey, I give you a brand-new Armani suit, and you won't even buy me a meal?
Jerry Seinfeld : All right, fine. Get the soup!
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[Jerry and George are at Monk's]
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, no, it's Kenny. Slide out so he can't sit down.
[George and Jerry each slide to the end of their booth seats]
Kenny : Hey.
Jerry Seinfeld : Hey.
Kenny : You worn the suit yet?
Jerry Seinfeld : Actually, I did. I put it on last night and slept in it.
Kenny : You did?
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, I'm joking.
Kenny : OH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I squeeze in?
George Costanza : [bleakly] Sure you can.
Kelly : Can I take your order?
Kenny : What kind of soup do you have?
Jerry Seinfeld : Why don't you get a sandwich?
Kenny : Okay, I'll have tomato soup and, ah, tuna on toast.
Jerry Seinfeld : Okay. This is it, you know. This is the meal, so stock up, buddy boy.
Kenny : What are you talking about? This isn't a meal.
Jerry Seinfeld : Yes it is. Soup and sandwich. That is a meal.
Kenny : You're supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant, like Mendy's.
Jerry Seinfeld : I tried to do that.
Kenny : This is lunch in a coffee shop.
Jerry Seinfeld : Doesn't matter, this is it. This completes the transaction.
Kenny : Ah, soup and a sandwich for a brand-new Armani suit. Is that any kind of gesture?
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Jerry Seinfeld : So, you just pretended it didn't bother you?
George Costanza : What is that, 'boyfriend'? I don't understand that. What, what does she think I asked her out for?
Jerry Seinfeld : Boy, it's the way they just slip that in there, too.
George Costanza : Yeah, like it's just part of the conversation. 'Oh, my boyfriend really likes watches. He's a real watch freak.' Well, that's fabulous.
Jerry Seinfeld : Well, let me ask you this. What exactly did you say when you asked her out?
George Costanza : I said, 'Would you like to go for a walk or something?'
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, a walk, well...
George Costanza : Or something. I said, 'Or something'!
Jerry Seinfeld : Or something. Yeah, that's a date.
George Costanza : [missing the sardonic tone] There you go!
Jerry Seinfeld : You know, there is always the possibility that she called an audible.
George Costanza : What do you mean?
Jerry Seinfeld : Well, she got up to the line of scrimmage, didn't like the looks of the defense and changed the play.
George Costanza : I think things were going okay. We were having a nice conversation.
Jerry Seinfeld : Uh huh.
George Costanza : I mentioned how I liked horse manure.
Jerry Seinfeld : You did?
George Costanza : Yeah.
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah. You said you liked horse manure.
George Costanza : Yeah. You know, about how when you break it down, it's really a very positive thing. You know, you have a 'newer,' with a 'ma' in front of it. MA-NURE. It's not bad.
Jerry Seinfeld : And it was around this point that she mentioned the boyfriend?
George Costanza : Yeah. Oh, you think because of what I said about the manure. I was just saying how it takes a negative thing, and puts a positive spin on it.
Jerry Seinfeld : I'm just saying there's a chance she may not have been enamored with your thoughts and feelings on manure.
George Costanza : So you don't think she really has a boyfriend?
Jerry Seinfeld : My honest opinion, I think she made it up.
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[first lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : If you have a close friend and they get involved with someone in a relationship, it affects your friendship, doesn't it? Because it's like you were a comedy team, and now there's this third person. You know, it kind of throws off the timing. Whose on first? I don't know. Dear, who do you think is on first? In fact, whenever a friend of mine starts with a new girlfriend, he should just say, "I look like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship." In other words, if we're having an argument and she's there, I may say "I totally disagree with you, but what that means is I'd like to help you out, but I'd rather continue to see her naked."
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George Costanza : Do you think she thinks I have a beautiful face or is she just saying that?
Jerry Seinfeld : Well, they do work on tips.
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[Jerry and George are at Monk's Cafe]
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh no, it's Kenny Bania.
George Costanza : Who's he?
Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, he's this awful comedian.
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Kenny : Oh, Jerry, you know what just hit me? I was thinking - What size suit are you?
Jerry Seinfeld : Ahh, I'm a 40. Why?
Kenny : I just got a brand new Armani suit - doesn't fit me anymore. You want it?
Jerry Seinfeld : Well, I don't know if I...
Kenny : Oh, come on. Why should it just sit in the closet?
Elaine Benes : An Armani suit?
George Costanza : Take the suit!
Jerry Seinfeld : Well... okay, I guess...
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Kramer : All right, ooh, look at that Armani, huh? Yeah.
[Jerry takes the jacket off and throws it onto the table]
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah, that's a deal. That's a horrible deal. I don't want to go out to dinner with him. I'd rather make my own suit.
George Costanza : [entering Jerry's apartment] I did it! It's all done!
Jerry Seinfeld : Hey!
[raises hands into "fists of encouragement"]
George Costanza : I did it. Hunh. We're going out as soon as she gets off of work and it'll still be daytime. You know I, I'm much better in the daytime than I am at night. It's less pressure.
Jerry Seinfeld : I love the day date. No wine, no shower.
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Kramer : And I got a date with that waitress that works at Reggie's.
Jerry Seinfeld : [thinking of George's date with waitress Kelly] Boy, if I could meet a hostess, we could open up our own place.
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Kenny : You know, I was thinking, if you're not busy, maybe I could get my meal today?
Jerry Seinfeld : Yeah, you wanna get that meal, don't you?
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Jerry Seinfeld : [answering the phone] Hello? No, I'm sorry, Bania. I'm not going over this again. Well, who told you to order soup?... No! There's no dinner. There's not going to be any dinner. You've had a sandwich and two bowls of soup and that's it. Good-bye.
[He hangs up the phone and turns to Simon]
Jerry Seinfeld : Hey, what size suit are you?
Simon : 40.
Jerry Seinfeld : 40. Perfect. Brand-new Armani suit, you want it?
Simon : Absolutely!
Jerry Seinfeld : Great, it's yours. I can't stand the sight of it. Elaine, here's the car keys.
Elaine Benes : Thanks.
[the telephone rings again]
Jerry Seinfeld : Yo?
Kenny : Listen, Jerry, I've been doing some thinking. I want my suit back.
