Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Wig Master (1996)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Seinfeld : Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?

  Jesse : Yeah, I guess you could say that.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Right in front of me? How do you know we're not together? Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking champagne coolies.

  Jesse : I don't know. I just didn't think you were.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, we're sitting here together. Why wouldn't you think that?

  Jesse : I don't know. I just didn't.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, it's very emasculating.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I was thinking about the wig historically. I guess the Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs, and it seems like that must have been hard. You know, they're going into battle; you think, "Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?" You know, you gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about. "What if I get killed? Is my wig on straight?" I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man, but I know when it went out: when the mirror was invented. No guy is looking in a mirror, powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going, "All right, let's go rap to the ladies."

• Craig : The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest. That's hand ticking around the crest and these are the world-famous corisso buttons made from the finest antelope horn.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Hmm, they'll match my sneakers.