- Police Officer: [taking Kramer's mugshot] I said turn, pimp.
- Cosmo Kramer: [heavily sobbing] I'm not a pimp!
- George Costanza: Excuse me, I think I made a big mistake. I'd like my deposit back, please.
- Jiffy Park Guy: What's the problem?
- George Costanza: You've got hookers turning tricks in my car, how's that for starters?
- Jiffy Park Guy: Ah, that is all hearsay.
- George Costanza: All right, very good. I'd like my car and deposit back, please.
- Jiffy Park Guy: Can't do it.
- George Costanza: What do you mean?
- Jiffy Park Guy: If you read the agreement you signed, the deposit is non-refundable.
- George Costanza: Well does it say anything in the contract about my car being used as a whorehouse? I don't remember reading that clause either.
- Jiffy Park Guy: What can I tell you, buddy? Take it up with Consumer Affairs.
- George Costanza: [frustrated] All right, just give me my car so I can get the hell out of here.
- Jiffy Park Guy: That's going to be a problem.
- George Costanza: Why?
- Jiffy Park Guy: It's all the way in the back. We can't get it out for a couple of days.
- George Costanza: What are you talking about? I want my car!
- Jiffy Park Guy: We ask that you please bare with us.
- George Costanza: Bare with you? This is a parking lot! People are supposed to be able to get their cars.
- Jiffy Park Guy: Ideally.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?
- Jesse: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Right in front of me? How do you know we're not together? Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking champagne coolies.
- Jesse: I don't know. I just didn't think you were.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, we're sitting here together. Why wouldn't you think that?
- Jesse: I don't know. I just didn't.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Well, it's very emasculating.
- Cosmo Kramer: [seing a prostitute and a client having sex in his car] Oh, Sweet Maria!
- [Kramer opens the door to the car and kicks them out, the man flees]
- Prostitute: [angrily] You just cost me some money!
- [the prostitute starts fighting with Kramer]
- Cosmo Kramer: Hey, cool it lady!
- [a police car arrives and both Kramer and the prostitute are arrested]
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: I was thinking about the wig historically. I guess the Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs, and it seems like that must have been hard. You know, they're going into battle; you think, "Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?" You know, you gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about. "What if I get killed? Is my wig on straight?" I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man, but I know when it went out: when the mirror was invented. No guy is looking in a mirror, powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going, "All right, let's go rap to the ladies."
- Craig: The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest. That's hand ticking around the crest and these are the world-famous corisso buttons made from the finest antelope horn.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Hmm, they'll match my sneakers.