Photos
Quotes
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Jerry Seinfeld : I still can't believe, you're going out on a blind date.
Elaine Benes : I'm not worried. It sounds like he's really good looking.
Jerry Seinfeld : You're going by sound? What are we, whales?
Elaine Benes : I think I can tell.
Jerry Seinfeld : Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?
Elaine Benes : 25 percent.
Jerry Seinfeld : 25 percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a 20 to 1 shot.
Elaine Benes : You're way off.
Jerry Seinfeld : Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.
Elaine Benes : So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?
Jerry Seinfeld : UNDATEABLE!
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Jerry Seinfeld : Spent the night at James's, did we?
Elaine Benes : Yeah yeah yeah, but we reversed positions, so there's no funny business.
Jerry Seinfeld : Reversed positions?
Elaine Benes : Yeah, you know, head to toe.
Jerry Seinfeld : So what? Your genitals are still lined up.
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[first lines]
Jerry Seinfeld : Seems like every morning when you wake up, it's like you're being born all over again. Do you ever have that feeling? You can't see, you can't talk. You're on your way to the bathroom trying to remember, "How do I walk?" It's like you've never been alive before. If any invention marks the decline of human civilization it would have to be the snooze alarm. The snooze alarm is based on the idea that when the alarm goes off, you are not getting up. You're not even awake, you're already a failure. They should sell the snooze alarm with an unemployment application and a bottle of tequila. Just make it a complete, pathetic loser kit.
