- Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
- Homer: I don't wanna go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say yes.
- Homer's Brain: Wait! Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?
- Homer: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
- [Homer is sitting on the couch. There are multiple books and a thing of peanuts on the table]
- Homer: Ah, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites.
- [grabs the peanuts]
- Homer: "Honey Roasted Peanuts. Ingredients: Salt, Artificial Honey Roasting Agents, Pressed Peanut Sweepings." Mmm.
- Marge Simpson: [enters the room] Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner.
- Homer: Steak?
- Marge Simpson: Money's too tight for steak.
- Homer: Steak?
- Marge Simpson: [unsure] Yeah, sure. Steak.
- [exits the room]
- Homer: [holding a peanut] Ah, the last peanut. Overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers.
- [closes his eyes, throws back his head, and attempts to throw the peanut into his mouth. He misses. The peanut bounces off the couch and lands somewhere on the floor. Homer opens his eyes, realizing what has happened]
- Homer: Uh oh. Something's wrong.
- [looks around, not finding the peanut. He searches under the couch, reaches under and reacts to everything he touches]
- Homer: Hmm. Ow! Pointy! Ew! Slimy! Uh oh! Moving! Aha!
- [he pulls out his hand, expecting to be holding a peanut. Instead, he is holding a twenty-dollar bill]
- Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut.
- Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
- Homer: Explain how!
- Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
- Homer: Woohoo!
- [he tries to run out of the room, only to trip on the peanut he was looking for. The twenty-dollar bill flies out the window. Homer screams]
- Todd Flanders: [after Homer's candy fantasy ends due to the tape player malfunctioning,he throws it in the ocean] Hey! I got that for my birthday!
- [Bart gets involved with the Junior Campers]
- Ned Flanders: Hi-di-ly-hey, Camper Bart! You ready for today's meeting?
- Bart: [saluting] You know-dilly know it, Neddy!
- Ned Flanders: Okily-dokily!
- Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach you how to sing to trees? And build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh?
- [the chair falls apart]
- Homer: D'oh! Ungh! Ungh! Stupid poetic justice. Ungh!
- Bart: Actually, we were just planning the Father-Son River Rafting Trip.
- Homer: [laughs] You don't have a son.
- Captain McCallister: [selling Homer a raft] Aarrgghh. Here be a fine vessel. The yaarrgghhest river-going boat there be.
- Homer: I'll take it.
- [They go to grab the raft. The raft deflates and sinks]
- Captain McCallister: [sadly] Argh. I don't know what I'm doing.
- [Bart is reading a book on knives. Homer enters the room]
- Homer: Well! If it isn't the leader of the Wiener Patrol, boning up on his nerd lesson.
- Marge Simpson: [walks by] Homer. You should be more supportive.
- Homer: You're right, Marge.
- [to Bart]
- Homer: Good work, boy.
- [Marge walks away]
- Homer: [loud singing] Egghead likes his booky-wook!
- Marge Simpson: Homer!
- Homer: Just tucking him in!
- Nelson Muntz: [Bart shows up for school in his scout uniform] Well, well... If it isn't Sergeant Dork!
- [a rope trap is set up for Homer, with pie as the bait. Homer sees the pie and runs to it]
- Homer: Ooh! Floor pie!
- [he bends over to eat it. The trap springs, catching Homer]
- Homer: Whoa!
- [Every time Homer swings toward the pie, Homer tries to grab it]
- Homer: Ee! Ungh! Ungh!
- [Santa's Little Helper comes by and eats the pie]
- Homer: Aw. Ooh.
- [Bart and Lisa are sitting next to each other on the rug watching an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon while Homer sits behind them on the couch staring blankly. Lisa laughs hysterically at the scene on the TV]
- Bart: The producers of this show don't know squat. Itchy should've tied Scratchy's tongue with a topline hitch, not a sheet bend.
- Lisa: Oh, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.
- [Another Homer walks past the front window whistling]
- Milhouse Van Houten: You're lucky bart all did was join the junior campers I got a swear shaved on the back of my head.
- principal skinner: What is it with you kids on that word? im going to shave you bald young man then you will learn that hair is not a rite its a privilege.