The Simpsons (TV Series)

Cape Feare (1993)

Kelsey Grammer: Sideshow Bob

Quotes 

• Blue-Haired Lawyer : What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?

  Sideshow Bob : No, that's German

  [unveils tattoo] 

  Sideshow Bob : for 'The Bart The'.

  Woman on Parole Board : No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

• Homer : Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?

  Bart : Yeah!

  Lisa : Yeah!

  Sideshow Bob : [underneath car]  No!

  Homer : Well, two against one!

  [drives through cactus field] 

  Sideshow Bob : Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

• Sideshow Bob : Now, Bart, any last requests?

  Bart Simpson : [sees a sign that says "Springfield 15 Mi" pass behind Bob, decides to buy himself some time]  Well, there was one, but... Naah, forget it.

  Sideshow Bob : No, go on.

  Bart Simpson : It's just that you have such a beautiful voice...

  Sideshow Bob : Guilty as charged.

  Bart Simpson : Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the "H.M.S. Pinafore".

  Sideshow Bob : Very well, Bart. I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to hell. and a 1 and a 2 and

  [singing] 

  Sideshow Bob : "We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty. We are sober men and true, and attentive to our duty..."

  [later] 

  Sideshow Bob : "I'm called Little Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup, thugh I could never tell why..."

  [later] 

  Sideshow Bob : ..."What never?" "No never." "What never?" "Hardly ever!"

  [with Bart] 

  Sideshow Bob , Bart Simpson : "he's hardly ever sick at sea..."

  [later] 

  Sideshow Bob : "... For he himself has said it, and it's clearly to his credit, that he is an Englishman. He remai-hains ah-han Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hengLISHman!"

• Marge : You awful man! Stay away from my son!

  Sideshow Bob : [menacing]  Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!

  Homer : Oh, no!

  Sideshow Bob : Wait a minute. That's no good.

  [walks away, then runs back] 

  Sideshow Bob : Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.

  Marge : No!

• Bart Simpson : What do you want?

  Sideshow Bob : Surely there's no harm in laying in the middle of a public street.

  [Bob is subsequently trampled by an oncoming parade, which includes several elephants] 

  Sideshow Bob : Not the elephants!

• Police Chief Wiggum : You're under arrest, Sideshow Bob!

  Sideshow Bob : BY LUCIFER'S BEARD!

  Police Chief Wiggum : Uh... Yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel!

• Blue-Haired Lawyer : Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?

  Sideshow Bob : Bart Simpson?

  [chuckles] 

  Sideshow Bob : The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole?

  Parole Board Officer : Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole", when you could have said "pee-pee soaked heckhole."

  Sideshow Bob : Cheerfully withdrawn.

• [after writing a death threat to Bart in blood, Bob starts writing another letter with his bleeding finger] 

  Sideshow Bob : "Dear 'Life in These United States,' a funny thing happened to me...?

  [as his finger bleeds freely, he sways, woozy, and collapses onto the desk] 

  Snake : Use a pen, Sideshow Bob.