The Simpsons (TV Series)

Cape Feare (1993)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Laughing Cop, Wolves, Santa's Little Helper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program] 

  FBI Man #1 : Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say "hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "hi".

  Homer : Check!

  FBI Man #1 : Hello, Mr. Thompson.

  [Homer stares blankly] 

  FBI Man #1 : Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.

  Homer : I gotcha.

  FBI Man #1 : Hello, Mr. Thompson.

  [again Homer stares blankly] 

  FBI Man #1 : [FBI men stare at each other] 

  [hours pass by] 

  FBI Man #1 : [frustrated]  Argh... Now when I say "hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.

  Homer : No problem.

  FBI Man #1 : [stepping hard on Homer's foot]  Hello, Mr. Thompson.

  Homer : [stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI man]  I think he's talking to you.

• Blue-Haired Lawyer : What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?

  Sideshow Bob : No, that's German

  [unveils tattoo] 

  Sideshow Bob : for 'The Bart The'.

  Woman on Parole Board : No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

• Homer : Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?

  Bart : Yeah!

  Lisa : Yeah!

  Sideshow Bob : [underneath car]  No!

  Homer : Well, two against one!

  [drives through cactus field] 

  Sideshow Bob : Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

• [Bart has difficulty sleeping, his bedroom door opens, a sharp knife appears and man charges into the room casting a scary shadow on the ceiling] 

  Homer : [holding a large knife upside-down]  BARTYOUWANTSOMEBROWNIEBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?

  Bart Simpson : [screames]  AAAAAHHHHH!

  Homer : [kneels down and scary shadow disappears]  Come on, let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot.

  Bart Simpson : [as Homer cuts the brownies]  Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming into my room screaming and brandishing the butcher knife.

  Homer : [stops cutting the brownies]  Why?

  [Homer looks at the large knife he is holding] 

  Homer : Oh, right. The *Sideshow Bob* thing, oh I'm sorry boy.

  [Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room. Seconds later, Homer bursts into the room again wearing a white hockey mask and holding a switched on electric chainsaw, which he holds up] 

  Homer : BARTYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?

  Bart Simpson : [screams louder]  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  Homer : [turning off the chainsaw and lifting the hockey mask]  Oh, sorry. What am I thinking?

  [Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room] 

• [Homer receives a death threat letter written in blood] 

  Homer : Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me! Oh, wait, it's for Bart.

• Marge : You awful man! Stay away from my son!

  Sideshow Bob : [menacing]  Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!

  Homer : Oh, no!

  Sideshow Bob : Wait a minute. That's no good.

  [walks away, then runs back] 

  Sideshow Bob : Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.

  Marge : No!

• Selma : Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.

  Blue-Haired Lawyer : How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now?

  [a few people raise their hands] 

  Blue-Haired Lawyer : Be honest...

  [everyone raises their hand; a man gasps when he notices Patty] 

  Patty : Ah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.

• Blue-Haired Lawyer : Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?

  Sideshow Bob : Bart Simpson?

  [chuckles] 

  Sideshow Bob : The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole?

  Parole Board Officer : Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hellhole", when you could have said "pee-pee soaked heckhole."

  Sideshow Bob : Cheerfully withdrawn.

• Marge : [looking at Bart's collection of death threats]  Hmm, this one's done in different handwriting.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, uh, I wrote that one, after Bart somehow put this tattoo on my butt.

  [Homer drops his pants, revealing a "wide load" tattoo on his rear end. Everyone laughs] 

  Nelson : [outside the window]  Ha ha!

  Bart : But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis The Menace.

  Homer Simpson : It's probably the person you least suspect.

  Lisa : That's good, Dad.

  Grampa : I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit! It's probably that evil Gavin MacLeod or George Guberlindsey.

  Bart : Grandpa, Matlock's not real.

  Grampa : Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!

• [last lines] 

  Marge : [as the car pulls up in front of the house]  It's so good to be home again.

  Grampa Simpson : [who has somehow become a woman complete with long hair and lipstick, rushes towards the car]  Look what happened without my pills!

  Marge : [gasps]  Bart! Run upstairs, get Grampa's medicine!

  Jasper Beardly : [appears, dressed in his finest]  Not so fast.

  [Jasper takes his hat off and takes out a bunch of flowers and hands them to Abe] 

  Jasper Beardly : I wanna court this fair young maiden.

  [the screen fades out in a heart shape and the credits roll] 

  Grampa Simpson : [to Jasper]  There's something you should know about me.

  Jasper Beardly : I've got Steve and Edie tickets.

  Grampa Simpson : I'm all yours.

  [Abe kisses Jasper] 

• [alternate ending] 

  Jasper Beardly : [appears dressed in his finest]  Not so fast.

  [Jasper takes his hat off and offers a bunch of flowers to Abe] 

  Jasper Beardly : Hey, wait till the canoe.

  [Abe and Jasper are in a canoe sailing down the river] 

  Jasper Beardly : [singing]  It won't be a stylish marriage.

  Grampa Simpson : [singing]  We can't afford a carriage.

  Jasper Beardly : [singing]  But you'll look sweet.

  Jasper Beardly : [singing]  Upon the seat

  Jasper Beardly , Grampa Simpson : [singing]  of a bicycle built for two. Of a bicycle built for two.

• FBI Man #2 : We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Fear, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville.

  Homer : Ooh! Ice Cream-Ville!

  FBI Man #2 : No, Screamville.

  Homer : AAH!

• FBI Man #1 : Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job, new identities.

  Homer : Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!

  [dissolve to Homer's daydream as a football player wearing old-fashioned leather uniforms while all the others wear modern football uniforms] 

  Announcer : Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last-second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver - 7, San Francisco - 56.

  Homer : [back to reality]  Woohoo!