The Simpsons (TV Series)
How I Spent My Strummer Vacation (2002)
Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson
Quotes
-
Marge : That was great, Homie.
Homer : What the hell are you doing here?
Mick Jagger : Camp is over, Homer.
Homer : It's been a week already?
Marge : I'm glad you had fun, but it's time to come home.
Tom Petty : Your mother's right, Homer.
[Marge scowls]
Tom Petty : Gotta get back to the real world.
Mick Jagger : Yeah, we've all gotta get home. My lawn's not gonna mow itself.
Keith Richards : And I've gotta put up the storm windows. Winter's coming.
Homer : Wait. Don't go. I wanna keep on rocking.
[to his fellow campers]
Homer : Come on, guys. A-one, a-two...
Elvis Costello : [pulling up on his motorcycle] I'll take that.
Homer : [Elvis takes his guitar and leaves] No!
Elvis Costello : [coming back] It came with a pick.
-
Homer : How'd you get such a crappy job? You a convict or a junkie?
Taxi Driver : Little of both. You got a family?
Homer : Oh, yeah. Wife and two or three kids. Can't imagine my life without 'em.
Marge : [watching on TV] Oh, you big fooler. Pretending not to remember so you could surprise us.
Homer : [chuckling nervously] Yeah, I'm pretty great.
[his taxi conversation continues]
Homer : At the end of a hard day, there's no better feeling than coming home to the people that you love.
Marge : Oh, Homie.
Lisa : That is so sweet.
Bart Simpson : I had no idea, Dad. I just assumed with all the stranglings, you know...
Homer : That my family isn't the center of my universe? Are you nuts?
[on TV]
Homer : Then there's those other days where you just wish you never got married or had kids. One minute, you're a carefree teenager, with dreams of being a rock star or a photographer for Playboy... then bam, some babe gets her claws in you...
Marge : Huh?
Homer : ...and boom, you got a bunch of kids that always needs love. So, whammo, you get stuck in some boring job where they don't let you play guitar or take pictures of naked women. And all you can do is watch yourself get bald and fat and kiss your dreams goodbye.
[he passes out and starts snoring]
Homer : [watching with the family] Aw, I can't believe they took "Monkey Trauma Center" off for this.
-
Homer : All right, time for my favorite show.
'Monkey Trauma Center' Announcer : "MTC: Monkey Trauma Center" will not be seen tonight...
Homer : [disappointed] Aw.
'Monkey Trauma Center' Announcer : ...so we may proudly present this much cheaper show.
Taxicab Conversations Announcer : [sultry voice] "Taxicab Conversations."
Lisa : Hey, I read about this show in "Teen Modern Maturity". They film passengers with hidden cameras and catch them at their most uninhibited.
Marge : That explains that.
Female Cab Driver : [leaving a nightclub, Disco Stu gets in her cab] Looks like somebody got down tonight.
Disco Stu : Disco Stu always gets down, baby. 'Cause when the beat is hot, the...
[sighing]
Disco Stu : Hey, can you keep a secret?
Female Cab Driver : What is it, hon?
Disco Stu : [dropping his act] I hate disco. It's all I've talked about for so long that people think I'm a one-note guy. It's just getting harder, you know?
Lisa : I had no idea Disco Stu was so complex.
-
Homer : Good morning, everybody. What's for breakfast, cutie?
Marge : Homie, it's 5:00 p.m. We're having dinner.
Homer : What? Wait a... that can't be right.
[checking the clock]
Homer : Wait. Was last night the night we set the clocks ahead eight hours?
Bart Simpson : No. It was the night you got loaded at Moe's and the car had to be towed home.
Homer : If I was that drunk, I would remember it.
-
Marge : [after seeing Homer drunkenly admit his occasional resentment of them] So, I'm just some babe who sank her claws into you.
Homer : A hot babe.
Marge : [frustrated groan] Ooh!
Lisa : Have you always resented us, Dad?
Homer : Oh, I don't resent you, sweetheart. What I was trying to say, and maybe I didn't use the right words, was that marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail. But as coffins go...
Lisa : Please don't say anymore.
-
Homer : Where are you taking me?
Marge : A place where you'll never be bothered by your family again.
[he gasps as they pass a mental institution]
Homer : [as they pass a slaughterhouse] Oh...
[passing Santa's Village]
Homer : AHHHH!
Marge : [pulling over] Get out of the car, Homer.
Homer : You can't just leave me out here. There's not another woman for miles.
Bart Simpson : Sorry, Dad. Maybe now you'll appreciate us.
Lisa : While you're spending the week at...
Marge : Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp.
Homer : [seeing a guitar-shaped sign] The Rolling Stones' Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp! But I thought you guys were mad at me. For once in my life, I'm confused.
Marge : We had a family meeting and decided that even though what you said about us was incredibly thoughtless, and hurtful, you had a point.
Homer : Damn straight.
Marge : You work a job you don't like so I'm able to be home with the kids.
Lisa : And you take me places you hate like museums, plays, and the Olive Garden.
Bart Simpson : And even though you knew I ratted you out to the IRS, you never busted me on it.
Homer : You what?
Marge : So to say thank you for all your sacrifices, we spent our family vacation fund on something that's just for you. Do you like it?
Homer : [already out of the car] You guys are the best. I love you. I love you. I love you.
[tripping on a stick]
Homer : Oof! I'm okay. I love you. I love you. I love you.
-
Homer : Hi, Moe. Got any beer?
Moe Szyslak : Sure. Check in the fridge.
[Homer takes a beer from a mini-fridge behind the bar]
Moe Szyslak : Wait a minute, I'm at work.
[taking it away]
Moe Szyslak : You gotta pay for it.
Homer : [taking out his wallet] What the...? Where's my money?
Marge : [voiceover as he reads a note] Dear Homie, had to buy diapers for Maggie. Love, Marge.
Homer : Wha...?
Marge : Simpson.
Homer : Oh.
Lisa : [he takes out another note] Dear Dad, took money for the school book fair. Love, Lisa.
Bart Simpson : [and another] Homer, I need cash or they're gonna break my legs.
Moe Szyslak : [putting the beer away] Sorry, Homer.
Homer : So you're just gonna let me walk out of here sober?
Moe Szyslak : I'm afraid so.
Homer : And you can live with that?
Moe Szyslak : Ya-huh.
Homer : Fine. There are plenty of other ways for me to alter my consciousness.
-
Lisa : Look, there's Dad!
Bart Simpson : Whoo-hoo! Yay, Homer!
Marge : I'm his groupie.
[with a giggle]
Marge : Am I saying that right? Groupie?
Homer : [seeing his friends and family cheering for him and tapping the microphone] Test. Test.
Marge : Why is he performing the duties of a roadie? Am I saying that right? Roadie?
-
Bart Simpson : Did you know it was gonna turn into a riot, Dad?
Homer : Oh, yeah. When you've been in as many as I have, you can sense them coming.
Marge : Did they ever find Tom Petty's toe?
Homer : What am I, the lost and found?
