- [Richard Dean Anderson has been kidnapped by Patty and Selma]
- Richard Dean Anderson: You can't do this! People will know I'm missing. There's a liquor store I go to *every* morning!
- [Homer is debarking from an airplane in India]
- Homer Simpson: This is India? Where's the University of Notre Dame? Wrigley Field? Dodger Dogs?
- Indian woman: You stupid American. You're confusing India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois and the Cubs with the Dodgers.
- Mr. Burns: If you'll excuse me, I'm late for a dinner engagement. I don't want my scooped-out monkey head to get cold.