The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's First Word (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Chipwich Salesman, Grampa Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Kim Huang, Boxing Commentator

Quotes 

• Marge : Oh Maggie, when are you going to talk?

  Lisa Simpson : Well, don't push her. Remember, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

  Homer : [thinking]  What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.

  [outloud] 

  Homer : Takes one to know one.

  [thinking] 

  Homer : Swish!

• Marge : I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.

  Homer : No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.

  Marge : Won't that warp him?

  Homer : My cousin Frank did it.

  Marge : You don't have a cousin Frank.

  Homer : He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

• Krusty the Clown : [on TV, smoking and crying]  You people are pigs! I, personally, am gonna to spit in every fiftieth burger!

  Homer : [watching]  I like those odds.

• Marge : Homer, I think the baby's coming.

  Homer : Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?

• Bart : Hey Homer, this house sucks.

  Homer : Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me Daddy.

• Homer : It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

• Krusty the Clown : Krustyburger is the meat flavored sandwhich of the 1984 Olympics. Just scratch the game space on your card and if the US wins a gold medal you get a free Krustyburger... Mmm mmm mmm!

  [Director yells "CUT"] 

  Krusty the Clown : BLECH! Oh I almost swallowed some of the juice.

  [Produces a flask and rinses his mouth and spits] 

  Krusty the Clown : Ugh, I'll be tasting that for weeks.

  Krusty's Accountant : Great spot, K.C.!

  Krusty the Clown : Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?

  Krusty's Accountant : Not to worry, Mr. K. We rigged the cards. They're all in events the communists never lose.

  Krusty the Clown : I like, I like!

  Krusty's Asistant : This just came over the wires, Big K!

  Krusty the Clown : [reading]  Ah huh. Soviet boycott... U.S. unopposed in most events... how does this affect our giveaway?

  Krusty's Accountant : Let's see...

  [punches up the numbers] 

  Krusty's Accountant : You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.

  Krusty the Clown : [cries loudly]  OHHH ho ho ho... Oy!

• Marge : Says here that Bart might get jealous of the baby.

  Homer : Yeah, well Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.

• Marge : I saved this saved the newspaper from the day Lisa was born.

  Lisa Simpson : [reading]  Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef.

  Bart : Where's the beef? What the hell's that supposed to mean?

  Homer : [laughing]  Heh heh heh heh heh. Where's the beef. No wonder he won Minnesota.

• Olympics Commentator #1 : Oh doctor, we are seconds away from the 100-meter butterfly, and with the East German "women" shaving their backs 9000 miles away, the Americans are heavy favorites.

  Homer : Patience, my pet.

  Olympics Commentator #1 : And the Americans jump out to an early lead!

  Olympics Commentator #2 : Although we should point that many of the other women represent countries that don't have swimming pools.

  Olympics Commentator #1 : Boo hoo! You're breakin' my heart!