- Homer: Bart's gone. I checked everywhere.
- Marge Simpson: That little sneak disobeyed us and went to that hip-hop festival.
- Homer: If that's true, he's gonna be like NWA - Not Without Ass-welts.
- Chief Wiggum: I will find Bart Simpson. Clancy Wiggum is on the case.
- 'Sitcom Sunday' Announcer: [laughter] Chief, seriously. Shouldn't we just plan for the funeral?
- Bart Simpson: I lied about being kidnapped. The whole thing was a hoax.
- Chief Wiggum: A hoax? A hoax?
- [groans]
- Chief Wiggum: Bart, please, you can't take this away from me. How would I explain it to Ralphie? That kid can't understand where the world goes when you close the drapes.
- Kirk Van Houten: Hey, I can't leave this place! I get three square meals a day and trailer time with Springfield's craziest chicks.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, 50 can I roll with you?
- 50 Cent: Nah, lil' man. But hey, stay in school and keep rapping. You'll blow up one day.
- 50 Cent: [to parole officer] Hey, does that count as community service?
- [she shakes her head no]
- 50 Cent: Oh well, let's go to the park and pick up some poop.