SpongeBob SquarePants (TV Series)
Graveyard Shift/Krusty Love (2002)
Rodger Bumpass: Squidward Tentacles
Photos
Quotes
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[Squidward and SpongeBob cling to each other for dear life as the "Slasher" approaches]
Squidward : SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sorta liked you.
SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet.
Squidward : [with outraged chagrin] Huh?
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Squidward : You mean you've never heard the story of the... hash-slinging slasher?
SpongeBob : The slash-bringing hasher?
Squidward : The hash-slinging slasher.
SpongeBob : The sash wringing... the trash thinging... mash flinging... the flash springing, bringing the the crash thinging the...
Squidward : Yes. The hash-slinging slasher.
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Squidward : This is ridiculous! Who wants a krabby patty at three in the morning?
[cutaway to Patrick sleeping in his bed, alarm goes off]
Patrick Star : Oh, boy! Three AM!
[eats patty]
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Squidward : Wait! If that was you on the phone, and you on the bus... then who was flickering the lights?
[the lights flicker. Everyone turns their attention to a picture of the vampire Nosferatu flipping light switch]
Squidward , SpongeBob SquarePants , Young Man : [affectionately chiding him] Nosferatu!
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Squidward : Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hash-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
SpongeBob : He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward : No.
SpongeBob : He didn't wash his hands?
Squidward : No!
SpongeBob : Irregular portions?
Squidward : NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
SpongeBob : You mean like this?
[He pulls his own arm out and a new one grows. Squidward reacts with surprise and slight revulsion. At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back]
SpongeBob : Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
Squidward : Except he wasn't a sponge!
SpongeBob : So?
Squidward : So it didn't grow back!
SpongeBob : OH NO!
[His extra arms react in fright and bounce away]
Squidward : And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it?
SpongeBob : Tuesday.
Squidward : Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance!
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Squidward : And then, one night, while he was cutting the patties, it happened!
SpongeBob SquarePants : He forget the secret sauce?
Squidward : No!
SpongeBob SquarePants : He didn't wash his hands?
Squidward : No!
SpongeBob SquarePants : Irregular portions?
Squidward : NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
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SpongeBob : I am just so touched that you would go to the trouble to dress up as a ghostly fry-cook and stand on the other side of the street just to entertain me. You must really like me!
Squidward : Spongebob, there are two problems with your theory. One, I hate you. And two, how can that be me when I'm standing right here?
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[SpongeBob has finished taking out the trash and is walking confidently across the floor of the Krusty Krab. Squidward is leering at him mockingly from behind the counter]
Squidward : So, you're not afraid?
SpongeBob SquarePants : Pfff! Nah.
Squidward : Well, I am. Especially after...
[He gulps]
Squidward : Well, you know.
SpongeBob SquarePants : What? What do I know?
Squidward : You don't remember? It was all over the news!
SpongeBob SquarePants : [eagerly clenching his fists in excitement] Tell me! Tell me!
Squidward : [waving a tentacle dismissively] No, no, I probably shouldn't.
[He puts his hands to his chest, feigning sympathy]
Squidward : It would ruin the night shift for you.
[His eyes narrow and his mouth forms into a cunning grin]
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Squidward : Who wants a krabby patty at 3 in the morning?
Patrick Star : [camera cut to Patrick sleeping in his rock, the alarm clock goes off and Patrick happily wakes up eating a krabby patty] Oh boy, 3 AM!
