- Squidward: Let me guess, tiny. A small salad?
- Bubblebass: I want a Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four-by-four animal style; an extra side of shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze; light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
- Squidward: We serve food here, sir.
- Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Hooray!
- Squidward: [unenthusiastic] Hooray.
- Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Hooray!
- Squidward: Whoop-dee-doo.
- Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Hooray!
- Squidward: Oh, Boy...
- SpongeBob SquarePants: And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place while I was gone: Squidward. Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Boo!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Boo!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
- Crowd: Boo!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
- Deep vioce in crowd: Boo! You stink!
- Mermaid Man: If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.
- Orderly: What is going on in here?
- Mermaid Man: [Points at SpongeBob] You may kiss the bride!
- [SpongeBob is kicked out of the retirement home and rolls back home]
- Patrick Star: Did you reunite our heroes?
- SpongeBob: No, but I'm married.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You can't retire now, there's evil afoot.
- Mermaid Man: [terrified] Evil! Evil! Where is it?
- [Squidward is subbing for SpongeBob at the grill]
- Male fish: Hey, he burned my Krabby Patty.
- Female fish: He burned my fries.
- Boy fish: He burned my shake.
- Mermaid Man: I did it! I feel five years younger. It's good to be back.
- Barnacle Boy: We did it, you old coot.
- Mermaid Man: Who are you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!
- Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!
- Female fish: And there's my car keys!
- Bubblebass: And... there's my ride!
- [Runs off]
- Barnacle Boy: [after Mermaid Man has summoned everyone from the retirement home] The creatures of the deep seem to have lost some of their luster.
- SpongeBob: [Wearing underwear on head and walking backwards] Mr. Krabs, hello. Do you how do?
- Mr. Krabs: Why are you talking funny, man?
- SpongeBob: I anything can't do right since because pickles.
- Mr. Krabs: Nonsense. You'll be back working at the Krusty Krab in no time.
- SpongeBob: I don't think ready back go to work, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: You're doing just fine.
- [SpoongeBob walks through a closed door]
- Mr. Krabs: Well, maybe not. All you need to do is get your confidence back, so you can make me more money... er, I mean, patties. He-he.
- SpongeBob: I how do that?
- Mr. Krabs: It's like riding a bike. You never forget.
- [Sees a bicycle on a boiling pot in SpongeBob's stove]
- Mr. Krabs: Uh, I'm going to help you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, Bubblebass, what do ya think?
- Bubblebass: This is pretty good. Only one thing... you forgot THE PICKLES!
- Squidward: Welcome to the Krusty Krab. My name is Squidward. May I take your order?
- Clay: Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a...
- [Squidward takes out a pencil and a paper]
- Clay: ... no.
- [Squidward puts the pencil and the paper away]
- Clay: Maybe...
- [Squidward takes out the pencil and the paper]
- Clay: ... no.
- [Squidward puts the pencil and the paper away]
- Clay: Hmmm... I'll have...
- [Squidward takes out the pencil and the paper]
- Clay: ... no. Or maybe...
- Squidward: Are you planning on ordering today, sir?
- Clay: I'll have a Krabby Patty.
- [Squidward writes down order]
- Squidward: How original.
- Clay: And with extra onions.
- Squidward: Daring today, aren't we?
- [SpongeBob walks onto the Shady Shoals lawn, disguised as a woman. Silent movie style piano music plays in the background]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [with a pronounced Southern accent] Oh, my, this purse is so big an' heavy.
- [Patrick walks up to SpongeBob, disguised as a burglar]
- Patrick Star: Hold it right there, ma'am, I'll be taking that!
- [SpongeBob puts his hands to his cheeks to feign shock. He tries to act distressed but can't resist smiling]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Ahhh! Hay-lp! Hay-lp! Hay-lp!
- Patrick Star: [watching from behind the retirement home] It's working...
- [Barnacle Boy walks up to SpongeBob, irritated]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Why, are you here to rescue little ol' me?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Ever alert, Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.
- Barnacle Boy: Confound it! Get away from 'im!
- Mermaid Man: Stop shoutin'! I'm nappin'!
- Barnacle Boy: It's not me, you old coot!
- Old Coot #1: Yeah.
- Old Coot #2: That's me.
- Old Coot #3: I'm over here.
- Mermaid Man: I did it! I feel five years younger! Ooh, it's good to be back!
- Barnacle Boy: [shakes hands with Mermaid Man] We did it, you old coot.
- Mermaid Man: Who are you?