Star Trek: The Next Generation (TV Series)

Relics (1992)

James Doohan: Scotty

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Data has taken a bottle of green-colored spirit from Guinan's stock] 

  Scotty : What is it?

  Lt. Commander Data : It is...

  [he looks and sniffs at it] 

  Lt. Commander Data : It is...

  [he looks at it again, obviously not any wiser] 

  Lt. Commander Data : It is green.

• Scotty : There comes a time when a man finds that he can't fall in love again. He knows that it's time to stop. I don't belong on your ship. I belong on this one. This was my home. This is where I had a purpose... But it's not real. It's just a computer-generated fantasy. And I'm just an old man who's trying to hide in it.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Look, Mr. Scott, I'd love to explain everything to you, but the Captain wants this spectrographic analysis done by 1300 hours.

  [La Forge goes back to work; Scotty follows slowly] 

  Scotty : Do you mind a little advice? Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Yeah, well, I told the Captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour.

  Scotty : How long will it really take?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : An hour!

  Scotty : Oh, you didn't tell him how long it would *really* take, did ya?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Well, of course I did.

  Scotty : Oh, laddie. You've got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker.

• [La Forge and Scotty are trying to get the Jenolan up and running] 

  Scotty : [muttering]  Bunch of old, useless garbage!

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Huh?

  Scotty : I say it's old, Mr. La Forge. It can't handle the interface of your power converter. This equipment was designed for a different era. Now it's just a piece of junk.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Well, I don't know, it seems like some of it's held together pretty well.

  Scotty : Century out of date. It's just... obsolete!

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Well, you know, that's interesting, because I was just thinking that a lot of these systems haven't changed much in the last 75 years. This transporter is basically the same system we use on the Enterprise. Subspace radio and sensors still operate under the same basic principle; impulse engine design hasn't changed much in the last 200 years. If it wasn't for all the structural damage, this ship still might be in service today.

  Scotty : Maybe so. But when they can build ships like your Enterprise, who'd want to pilot an old bucket like this?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : I don't know. If this ship were operational, I bet she'd run circles around the Enterprise at impulse speeds. Just because something's old doesn't mean you throw it away.

• Scotty : Never get drunk unless you're willing to pay for it - the next day.

• [on the holographic bridge of Scotty's Enterprise, Scotty and Picard are exchanging memories of former starships they've served on] 

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : The first vessel that I served on as captain was called Stargazer. It was an overworked, underpowered vessel, always on the verge of flying apart at the seams. In every measurable sense, my Enterprise is far superior. But there are times when I would give almost anything... to command the Stargazer again.

  Scotty : Ah, it's like the first time you fall in love. You don't ever love a woman quite like that again. Well, to the Enterprise, and the Stargazer - old girlfriends we'll never meet again.

• [Scotty walks up to the holodeck and activates it] 

  Computer Voice : Please enter program.

  Scotty : The android at the bar said you could show me my old ship. Let me see it.

  Computer Voice : Insufficient data. Please specify parameters.

  Scotty : [frustrated]  The Enterprise. Show me the bridge of the Enterprise, you chatterin' piece of...

  Computer Voice : There have been five Federation ships with that name. Please specify by registry number.

  Scotty : N-C-C-1-7-0-1. No bloody A - B - C - or D!

• Scotty : Take the bridge, Commander.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Oh, no. You're the senior officer here.

  Scotty : Oh, I may be captain by rank; but I never wanted to be anything else but an engineer.

• Scotty : [of the Enterprise-D]  A good crew... and a fine ship - a credit to her name. But I've always found that a ship is only as good as the engineer who takes care of her. And from what I can see, the Enterprise is in good hands.

• Scotty : Oh, enjoy these times, Geordi. You're the Chief Engineer of a starship; and that's a time of your life that'll never come again. When it's gone - it's gone.

• Scotty : [referring to Dr. Crusher]  Well, I'll say this about your Enterprise: the doctors are a fair sight prettier.

• [the Enterprise crew has freed Captain Scott from a transporter buffer after 75 years] 

  Scotty : The Enterprise? I should have known. I bet Jim Kirk himself hauled the old girl out of mothballs to come looking for me.

• [Scotty has been served a glass of "Scotch" in Ten Forward] 

  Scotty : [to the waiter]  Laddie, I was drinking Scotch a hundred years before you were born. And I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definitely not Scotch.

• [Scotty and Geordi are working to restore the Jenolan's systems] 

  Scotty : Shunt the deuterium from the main cryo-pump to the auxiliary tank.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Er, the tank can't withstand that kind of pressure.

  Scotty : [laughs]  Where'd you... where'd you get that idea?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : What do you mean, where did I get that idea? It's in the impulse engine specifications.

  Scotty : Regulation 42/15 - Pressure Variances on the IRC Tank Storage?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Yeah.

  Scotty : Forget it. I wrote it. A good engineer is always a wee bit conservative, at least on paper. Just bypass the secondary cut-off valve and boost the flow. It'll work.

• Scotty : [on new acquirements of the 24th century, such as synthehol and Data]  Synthetic Scotch, synthetic commanders...

• Scotty : Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want.

• Captain Jean-Luc Picard : How are you feeling?

  Scotty : I don't know.

  Scotty : [to Dr. Crusher]  How *am* I feeling?

  Doctor Beverly Crusher : Other than a few bumps and bruises I'd say you feel fine for a man of 147.

  Scotty : And I don't feel a day over 120.

• Scotty : Good Lord, man! Where have you put me?

  Ensign Kane : These are standard guest quarters, sir. I can try and find something bigger if you want.

  Scotty : *Bigger*? In my day, even an admiral would nota had such quarters on a starship.

• Scotty : [toasting to his long gone comrades]  Here's to you, lads.

• Commander William T. Riker : [of the shuttle that Picard has given Scotty "on extended loan"]  She's not much to look at.

  Scotty : [grinning]  Laddie, every woman has her own charm; ye just have to know where to look for it.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : I need to get down to Engineering and begin that analysis.

  Scotty : Engineering? I thought you'd never ask!

• Captain Jean-Luc Picard : I hope I'm not interrupting. I was just coming off duty and I wanted to see how you were doing.

  Scotty : Oh, not at all, not at all. Would you have a drink with me, Captain?

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : Thank you.

  Scotty : [pouring him a glass]  I don't know what it is, exactly, but I would be real careful. It's real...

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : [downing it in one gulp]  Aldebaran whiskey. Who do you think gave it to Guinan?

• [last lines] 

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : You take care of yourself out there.

  Scotty : Aye.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : So, you were saying a little earlier that you were on your way to the Norpin colony when you experienced warp engine failure?

  Scotty : Aye, that's right. See, we had an overload in one of the plasma transfer conduits and the captain brought us out of warp and we hit some gravimetric interference, and there it was, as big as life. Oh, is that a conduit interface?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Yeah, it is. You were saying, "it's as big as life." You mean the Dyson sphere.

  Scotty : Aye, an actual Dyson sphere. Can you imagine the engineering skills needed to even design such a structure?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Yeah, I know. It's pretty amazing. So what happened when you first approached it?

  Scotty : Well, we began our standard survey of the surface and we were just completing the initial orbital scan when our aft power coil suddenly exploded.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Hmm.

  Scotty : The ship got caught in the sphere's gravity well and down we went. Franklin and I were the only ones to survive the crash.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Can I ask you a question? What in the world made you think of using the transporter pattern buffer to survive?

  Scotty : Well, we... didn't have enough supplies to wait for the rescue, so we had to think of something.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Yeah, but locking it into a diagnostic cycle so that the pattern wouldn't degrade and then cross-connecting it with the phase inducers to provide a regenerative power source... that's absolutely brilliant.

  Scotty : Well, I think it was only 50% brilliant, 'cause Franklin deserves better.

• Lt. Commander Data : Captain Scott is unaware of the existence of synthehol.

  Scotty : Sy... synthehol?

  Lt. Commander Data : Yes, sir. It is an alcohol substitute now being served aboard starships. It simulates the appearance, taste, and smell of alcohol, but the intoxicating effects can be easily dismissed.

  Scotty : You're not quite, uh... human, are you?

• Scotty : I was driving starships, while your great-grandfather was still in diapers! I think you'd be grateful for some help! I'll leave ya to work, Mr. La Forge.

• Scotty : Geordi, I have spent my whole life trying to figure out crazy ways of doing things. I'm telling ya, as one engineer to another - I can do this.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [sighs]  All right. Let's do it.

  Scotty : [ecstatic]  Aye!

• Scotty : Well, thank you, lads. Oh, well, we got to get Franklin out of there.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Someone else's pattern is still in the buffer?

  Scotty : Aye, Matt Franklin. We went in together.

  [working on the console] 

  Scotty : Something's wrong. One of the inducers has failed. Boost the gain on the matter stream. Come on, Franklin. I know you're still in there.

  [sighing] 

  Scotty : It's no use. His pattern has degraded 53%. He's gone.

  Commander William T. Riker : I'm sorry.

  Scotty : So am I. He was a good lad.

• Lt. Worf : I have restored life support. The oxygen levels will return to normal shortly.

  Commander William T. Riker : Captain Scott, Lt. Worf.

  Scotty : [surprised]  Lieutenant?

  Lt. Worf : Yes.

  Commander William T. Riker : Captain, perhaps there are a few things we should talk about.

• Scotty : You know, we used to have something called a dynamic mode converter. You wouldna have something like that on your Enterprise, would you?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : I haven't seen anything like that in a long time, but I bet I might be able to come up with something similar.

• Captain Jean-Luc Picard : I must say, I was a little surprised when Commander Riker told me that you were on board the Jenolen. Our records didn't show you listed as a member of the crew.

  Scotty : Well, I was never actually a member of the crew. I was... just a passenger. I was heading for Norpin V to settle down and enjoy my retirement.

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : I see. Well, I would very much enjoy the opportunity of hearing you talk about your career. I'm sure you would have some fascinating insights into the events of your time.

  Scotty : I'd be happy to.

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : Good. Well, I look forward to it.

• Captain Jean-Luc Picard : [on the holodeck-simulated Enterprise]  Constitution-class.

  Scotty : Aye. You're familiar with them?

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : There's one in the fleet museum, but... but then, of course, this is your Enterprise.

  Scotty : I actually served on two. This was the first. She was also the first ship I ever served on as chief engineer. You know, I served aboard 11 ships; freighters, cruisers, starships... but this is the only one I think of, the only one I miss.

• Scotty : I remember a time when the old Enterprise was spiraling toward PSI 2,000.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [giving a PADD to a subordinate]  Yeah. Thank you.

  Scotty : And the captain wanted to try a cold start of the warp engines, and I told him that without a proper phase-lock, it would take at least 30 minutes. "You cannae change the laws of physics," I told him, but he wouldn't believe me, so I had to come up with a whole new engine start-up routine. Do you know that your dilithium crystals are going to fracture?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [closing the chamber]  We recomposite the crystals while they're still inside the articulation frame.

• Scotty : Laddie, you need to phase-lock the warp fields within 3% or they'll become unstable.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : What?

  Scotty : Well, look. Here's the warp...

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [Scotty recoils as a console beeps; turning the alarm off]  We use a multiphase auto-containment field now. It's meant to operate above 3%.

  Scotty : Oh, well... that would make the difference.

• Scotty : Call me Scotty!

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : You know, I think you're gonna enjoy the 24th century, Mr. Scott. We've made some pretty incredible advances these last 80 years.

  Scotty : Well, from what I've seen, you've got a fine ship, Mr. La Forge. A real beauty here. I must admit to being a bit overwhelmed.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Hmm. Wait 'til you see the holodeck.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [after losing contact with the Enterprise]  Can't find 'em anywhere in orbit.

  Scotty : Well, they could have crashed into the sphere like the Jenolen.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : No, we'd be picking up background radiation if they'd gone down.

  Scotty : There's another possibility. They could be inside the sphere.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Maybe. Whatever happened, we've got to find them. You know, if we could get these engines back online, we could track them with their impulse ion trail.

  Scotty : Are you daft? The main assembly's shot, the inducers have melted, the power couplings are wrecked. We'd need a week just to get started, but we don't have a week, so we've no sense in crying about it. Come on. We'll see what we can do with your power converter.

• Scotty : What have you done with the duotronic enhancers?

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [taking a panel off to show him]  Well, those were replaced with isolinear chips about 40 years ago. It's a lot more efficient now.

  [Scotty moves to touch one] 

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [stopping him]  Oh! That's an EPS power tap there.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Captain Scott, this really isn't...

  Scotty : We're in engineering. Call me Scotty.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Scotty, this really isn't a good time for a tour. We're running a phase seven survey of the Dyson sphere.

  Scotty : I'm not here for a tour, laddie. I'm here to help.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : That's very kind, but I'm sure we can handle it.

  Scotty : I was a Starfleet engineer for 52 years, Mr. La Forge. I think I'm still useful.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : You're right. We'd be grateful for any help you could give us.

  Scotty : Good. Let's get to work.

• Captain Jean-Luc Picard : What do you think of the Enterprise-D?

  Scotty : She's a beauty, with a good crew.

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : But?

  Scotty : But... when I was here, I could tell you the speed that we were traveling by the feel of the deck plates. But on your ship... I feel like I'm just in the way.

  Captain Jean-Luc Picard : Well, 75 years is a long time.

• Scotty : Maybe all we need to do is to get our foot in the door.

• Scotty : The Norpin Colony is for old men to retire. Maybe some day I'll end up there, but not yet.

• Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : So this alien space baby, which was about the size of a 4-story building, really thought the Enterprise was its mother.

  Scotty : Aw, you're pullin' an old man's leg.

  Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : No, really. It was suckling power directly form the ship's fusion reactors. So Dr. Brahms and I changed the power frequency from 21 centimeters to .02 centimeters.

  Scotty : So you soured the milk!