- Martin Lloyd: A top secret government program involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a Stargate.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Sounds like a good idea for a TV show. If you're into that sort of thing.
- Dr. Daniel Jackson: I hope it's important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P3L-255.
- Major Samantha Carter: I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3K sensors for long-term reconnaissance on P5X-3D7.
- Teal'c: I was unable to complete my Kelno'reem.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: I was just about to do something important.
- Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I've never been on a-a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have, like-like donuts or something?
- [Marty has handed Jack a toothpick]
- Martin Lloyd: I propped it up against the inside of my door. When I got home, it was on the ground, meaning someone was there.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: If you prop it up against the inside of the door, how do you get out?
- Martin Lloyd: Through the window! You think I'm so stupid I go out my own front door?
- [being kidnapped, but wearing a wire]
- Martin Lloyd: Nice van. What do you call that color? Kind of a grayish-green, huh?
- Martin Lloyd: They put an implant in my head. I always thought they were sending me signals.
- Teal'c: To whom are you referring?
- Martin Lloyd: You know, "Them"? The secret government?
- [waits for them to understand, but they don't]
- Martin Lloyd: The-the New World Order? Black helicopters, underground bases? Don't you guys read the papers?
- Dr. Daniel Jackson: [One of their captors pulls out instruments of torture] You're not a real doctor, are you?
- Dr. Daniel Jackson: [after being captured, Sam and Daniel are interrogated and shown a scan of Teal'c's symbiote] That's very good! Did you draw that yourself?
- [pause]
- Dr. Daniel Jackson: Is that a duck?