- Henry McNeeley: Who wrote that?
- Maddie: I did.
- Henry McNeeley: Well, I don't know what sort of bet you lost, but next time hold the chalk with your hand.
- Tess Farraday: And I'll start with the Carpaccio salad with seared tuna.
- Maddie: It says, "Cars parked on the street will be towed."
- Henry McNeeley: It doesn't have to be a pick-up thing. You just go up to her and say, "Hi, my name is Ian. I'm a best-selling author..."
- Ian Stark: "I'm so lonely and desperate that I talk to strangers in restaurants and hopefully your life is bad enough to welcome this kind of weirdness, so how 'bout we get together and disappoint each other?"
- Ian Stark: No, I'm not gonna write her a letter. I might as well walk around with a sandwich board that says "I'm pathetic."
- Tess Farraday: Or you could have Maddie write it, then people will think you're "patriotic."
- Jake Donovan: I've lived in your apartment for two years, I've never seen you like this. I heard you singing in the shower this morning.
- Ian Stark: That was the pipes.
- Jake Donovan: The pipes don't sing "You Light Up My Life."
- Ian Stark: Look, I was willing to believe "the television" ordered fifty dollars worth of porn, so drop it!