Bobcat Goldthwait: Mr. Floppy

Quotes 

• Mr. Floppy : [going through his list]  Grover. I *hate* that guy!

  Jack Malloy : Uh, why is he in there again, Floppy?

  Mr. Floppy : He gave me the high head, Jack. We were in acting class together. I helped him with his stutter. You should have heard him rehearse for his big audition. "This program brought to you by the letter B-B-B-B...!" I put his finger in an electric socket, cured his stutter, turned him blue, and made his career! Then I ran into him at the Viper Room. Pamela Anderson drinking in his lies like cheap liquor. And he don't know me! He gives me the high head.

  Jack Malloy : [chuckles]  What did you do?

  Mr. Floppy : I gave him a b-b-b-b-beating! Then I groped Pamela, and stole Grover's change off the bar. I don't know what I liked better: the fightin', the romance, or the thirty-five cents!

  Jack Malloy : Yo, Floppy, I say you've had one hell of a life! But I know just how you feel, 'cause I got Gutman!

  Mr. Floppy : You didn't get Gutman. Your daughter turned down some money from him. So what? Here's the way to get Gutman: Go down there and ask for another loan. They can't turn you down, 'cause Tiffany is their spokesperson. You think Paul Reiser's father pays for their long-distance calls?

  [mumbles:] 

  Mr. Floppy : Like his family would ever call him. Boy, I'd like to kick Paul Reiser right in the head!

  Jack Malloy : Floppy, that's a very good idea you have. I could just go down there and get some kind of a business loan. The only thing is, we'll have to come up with an idea for a business.

  Mr. Floppy : Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm getting an inspiration! America's obsessed with pets. Now what's the biggest problem with pets?

  Jack Malloy : Finding a cat that looks exactly like the cat you just ran over before the kids get home from school?

  Mr. Floppy : No, over-population! And the answer: *Condoms* for pets!

  Jack Malloy : Mm. But how would they put them on?

  Mr. Floppy : That's the girl's job.