The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)
Community Spirit (1994)
Gary Waldhorn: David Horton
Photos
Quotes
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David Horton : Item two: Mindless Vandalism. As you probably know, we have an outbreak of graffiti in the village.
Letitia Cropley : Oh, yes, I saw that. I don't think you're a prat, Mr Horton.
David Horton : No-one said I was.
Owen Newitt : Yes, some bugger's scrawled: "Mr Horton's a total prat" on the Scout Hut wall.
David Horton : We also seem to have acquired a village *Puss* Office. You keeping up, Frank?
Frank Pickle : Yeah. Horton's a total prat.
David Horton : Well, let's just keep an eye out for them, shall we? Especially the little *bastard* who's tampered with the sign for the *Tuck* Shop.
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[first lines]
Owen Newitt : Unavoidably detained.
David Horton : Right. I call this meeting of the Dibley parish council to order. Item 1, do we have any apologies?
Jim Trott : No, no no no no, no no no no, yes.
David Horton : Yes, Jim.
Jim Trott : No no no no, yes. I'm, I'm sorry I missed the bridge evening yesterday.
David Horton : No, you don't have to apologize for that, Jim.
Jim Trott : No no no no no no no, I want to.
David Horton : No, I mean apologies mean you only have to apologize for not being here.
Jim Trott : But I *am* here. Bu- but I could go away if you like, and then come back and apologize for not being here next time.
David Horton : Moving on.
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David Horton : This is intolerable!
[Enters the church hall where everyone is still working on preparations for the fete]
David Horton : Isn't it time you all went to bed?
Alice Tinker : It's a last minute idea I had. We're having a fashion parade at the end of the fete, and people have to come as characters from Elton John's songs.
Geraldine Granger : Oh, look at Mrs C!
[Mrs Cropley is wearing an evening dress and a curly blonde wig]
David Horton : Ah, Mrs Cropley! Am I mistaken, or did Mr John write a song about Danny La Rue?
Letitia Cropley : No - Marilyn Monroe. "It seemed to him, she lived her life like a candle in the wind, ever knowing who to cling to when the rain set in."
Geraldine Granger : I think you'll find David, that Jim is our star turn. Come in, Jim Trott!
[Jim enters wearing jeans and a Union Jack tank top with a bald wig]
Jim Trott : [In a thug voice] A skinhead!
[singing while putting up his fists]
Jim Trott : Saturday night's alright for fighting!
David Horton : [Unimpressed] Yes, well. Much as I'd like to dress up like someone who's had their brain surgically removed Vicar, I think you'll find that myself and Hugo will not have the time to join in this particular piece of high class entertainment!
Geraldine Granger : Hugo!
[Hugo skips into the room wearing a blue and white gingham pinafore dress with a white blouse and a wig with bunches and gives a twirl]
Hugo Horton : Get it? I-I'm Dorothy. Wizard of Oz. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." I-I borrowed one of Alice's dresses.
[His smile fades as David glares at him with arms folded]
Hugo Horton : Sorry, Father.
[Puts his hands to his chest]