The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Merry Christmas (2004)

Trevor Peacock: Jim Trott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Geraldine Granger : Oh hi, boys. What can I do for you?

  Owen Newitt : Er, it's about the party. We know how much you love chocolate, so we've decided to make you a great big chocolate feature.

  Geraldine Granger : Ooh, how exciting!

  Owen Newitt : Here's a rough drawing of it.

  Geraldine Granger : Right. OK. It's a chocolate baby Jesus.

  Jim Trott : Yes. Life size. We'd just like to know if you'd like some marzipan on Him as well.

  Geraldine Granger : You want me to *eat* baby Jesus?

  Owen Newitt : Yes, why not? We eat Him every Sunday, in wafer form.

  Geraldine Granger : Well, yes. But as you're eating Him, you're supposed to be thinking "Oh, He died for our sins", not "Mmm, that's delicious and I'm loving that praline centre."

• David Horton : Gentlemen, I've called you here early to deal with a rather important matter. It transpires that our vicar is... well, gay. I know what an old fashioned and traditional village we are, and I think I can guess your reaction.

  Jim Trott : Good old vicar!

  Owen Newitt : Best news I've had since they made having sex with animals legal again.

  Hugo Horton : They haven't.

  Owen Newitt : Really? Oh. That's *not* good.

  David Horton : So... wait a minute. Am I to understand that no one is the slightest bit concerned?

  Jim Trott : No no no no. We've always had lesbians in this village. Mrs Cropley was a lesbian. Before she retired.

  David Horton : Was she?

  Owen Newitt : No, Jim. She was a librarian.

• Geraldine Granger : [Holding auditions to write a new Christmas carol]  Can i just say before you start that all my hopes for this competition, indeed all my hopes that after ten years there is one shred of talent and sanity left in this village, are resting entirely upon you?

  Jim Trott : No no no no no worries. I was trying to work out which bit of the Nativity story was never done.

  Geraldine Granger : Good.

  Jim Trott : Then I realised: the actual birth.

  Geraldine Granger : Bad.

  [sighs] 

  Geraldine Granger : And so it goes?

  Jim Trott : [Reading from a piece of corrugated cardboard]  "Praise the Lord, He's coming down the birth canal; Here He comes, whee-ee-ee-ee! Look, the Madonna's fully dilated; She shall not need an episiotomy."

  [Geraldine's face falls onto the table in despair] 

  Alice Horton : I rather like that.

• Jim Trott : It's about Frank. He says he wants the party to be the best you've ever had and to be an evening of non-stop laughter and fun.

  Geraldine Granger : Ah, splendid.

  Jim Trott : So he's decided not to come.

  Geraldine Granger : Aww.

  Owen Newitt : Yes, he said he didn't want to spoil things because he's sooooo dull.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, Lord, poor man. Is that all he said? Surely he said more than that.

  Jim Trott : Well, yes he did, but we dozed off.

• Geraldine Granger : Oh, yes I admit it does look delicious, but no, I mustn't.

  Jim Trott : Oh, no-no-no-no-no-not to worry. We'll move on to plan B.

  Geraldine Granger : Right. What's plan B?

  Jim Trott : Call him baby Judas... and then eat the little bastard in one sitting.

  Geraldine Granger : Um, no, no.

  Owen Newitt : Well, then it's on to plan C, which has to be a surprise.

  Jim Trott : Why?

  Owen Newitt : Because we haven't thought of it yet.