The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

The Window & the Weather (1994)

Emma Chambers: Alice Tinker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alice Tinker : I've got this piggy-bank. My dad, right, used to put all his money in it, and he said that when I grew up, I could open it buy a castle.

  Geraldine Granger : Did your dad have a reputation for telling the truth?

  Alice Tinker : Oh, yeah. My mother knew all about his kids in the other villages.

• [post credits] 

  Alice Tinker : Right. I've got one for you, today.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, fab.

  Alice Tinker : It's very funny. Ahem. Knock, knock.

  Geraldine Granger : Who's there?

  Alice Tinker : Ronny.

  Geraldine Granger : Ronny who?

  Alice Tinker : Ronny Barker.

  [laughs] 

  Alice Tinker : It would be funny if Ronny Barker came to your door, wouldn't it?

  Geraldine Granger : Yes. I'm not quite sure you understand how these jokes work.

  Alice Tinker : Knock, knock.

  Geraldine Granger : Who's there?

  Alice Tinker : Billy.

  Geraldine Granger : Billy Connolly would it be?

  Alice Tinker : Yes!

  [laughing] 

  Alice Tinker : How did you know that one? Well it's funny, isn't it?

  Geraldine Granger : Not really, no.

  Alice Tinker : Don't worry, I have got hundreds more where they came from. Knock, knock.

  Geraldine Granger : Who the hell is it this time?

  Alice Tinker : Groucho.

  Geraldine Granger : Going to be a very long night, isn't it.

• Alice Tinker : [after emptying out the contents of her piggy bank]  So how much does it come to?

  Geraldine Granger : Well, excluding everything that isn't actually legal tender in the United Kingdom - a farthing.

  Alice Tinker : A farthing. Right, so quite a way to go then.

• Geraldine Granger : You're not scared anymore?

  Alice Tinker : No.

  [the lights go out. Alice screams] 

  Geraldine Granger : For crying out loud Hugo!