The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)
The Window & the Weather (1994)
Dawn French: Geraldine Granger
Photos
Quotes
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Alice Tinker : I've got this piggy-bank. My dad, right, used to put all his money in it, and he said that when I grew up, I could open it buy a castle.
Geraldine Granger : Did your dad have a reputation for telling the truth?
Alice Tinker : Oh, yeah. My mother knew all about his kids in the other villages.
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Geraldine Granger : I want our church to be a *church*, not an enormous church-shaped begging bowl.
David Horton : Yes, and I want Princess Anne to knock on my door and say, "I have dumped that ugly berk Tim Laurence; I'm all yours, big boy." But it's not going to happen, is it?
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[post credits]
Alice Tinker : Right. I've got one for you, today.
Geraldine Granger : Oh, fab.
Alice Tinker : It's very funny. Ahem. Knock, knock.
Geraldine Granger : Who's there?
Alice Tinker : Ronny.
Geraldine Granger : Ronny who?
Alice Tinker : Ronny Barker.
[laughs]
Alice Tinker : It would be funny if Ronny Barker came to your door, wouldn't it?
Geraldine Granger : Yes. I'm not quite sure you understand how these jokes work.
Alice Tinker : Knock, knock.
Geraldine Granger : Who's there?
Alice Tinker : Billy.
Geraldine Granger : Billy Connolly would it be?
Alice Tinker : Yes!
[laughing]
Alice Tinker : How did you know that one? Well it's funny, isn't it?
Geraldine Granger : Not really, no.
Alice Tinker : Don't worry, I have got hundreds more where they came from. Knock, knock.
Geraldine Granger : Who the hell is it this time?
Alice Tinker : Groucho.
Geraldine Granger : Going to be a very long night, isn't it.
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[last lines]
Daniel Frobisher : Clever bastard.
Geraldine Granger : Oh, pity. That's another thousand pounds, I'm afraid.
[calls out]
Geraldine Granger : Good news, everybody; the Christmas outing's on again, thanks to Daniel.
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Geraldine Granger : The short answer is 'No' and the long answer is 'Noooooooo'.
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Alice Tinker : [after emptying out the contents of her piggy bank] So how much does it come to?
Geraldine Granger : Well, excluding everything that isn't actually legal tender in the United Kingdom - a farthing.
Alice Tinker : A farthing. Right, so quite a way to go then.
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David Horton : Sadly, you must minute that Dibley can't afford a new window.
Geraldine Granger : Stop writing, Frank. "Can't" isn't in the Christian vocabulary.
Owen Newitt : Yes it is! You can't commit adultery, you cant steal...
Jim Trott : No no no and you can't even covet your neighbor's ass, even if it is very alluring.
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Geraldine Granger : You're not scared anymore?
Alice Tinker : No.
[the lights go out. Alice screams]
Geraldine Granger : For crying out loud Hugo!