- Venus Flytrap: [in a mock radio announcer's voice] We'll be right back to the music right after these important words about Death!
- Andy Travis: OK, let me ask you this. Can't we do a cheap-o commercial? I mean, hire professional musicans, but, uh, maybe sing the jingle ourselves?
- Venus Flytrap: Can anyone around here sing?
- Herb Tarlek: Any jerk can sing. Now listen, these are the copy points that you gotta work into the jingle, okay? Now. A: All weather floral arrangements.
- Venus Flytrap: What does that mean?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Uh, that's plastic flowers.
- Herb Tarlek: B: Maintenance-free artificial turf.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Plastic grass.
- Herb Tarlek: C: They accept all major credit cards.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: That'd be your plastic money.
- Herb Tarlek: Plus, six convenient locations, open weekends, all night hot line, group discount rates *and* free parking.
- Bailey Quarters: Herb, why don't you just do your job?
- Herb Tarlek: What?
- Bailey Quarters: You heard me.
- Herb Tarlek: Look, Bailey, I just did. I asked Mr. Morrison if I could sell him something, he said no, that's it.
- Bailey Quarters: Then why don't you just call somebody else?
- Herb Tarlek: Bailey, it's not that easy, believe me.
- Bailey Quarters: If you could get some new accounts, then we could all get raises. And, and Les, Les could buy the traffic helicopter he always wanted.
- Les Nessman: [rising from his desk seat] Make a call, Herb.
- Randall Ferryman: I have just opened a chain of six funeral homes in Cincinnati. I want to advertise.
- Andy Travis: Uh, yeah, on a rock 'n' roll station.
- Randall Ferryman: Yes. That's how I did it in California. You see, I'm a volume dealer. I've got to move them in, and move them out. Unfortunately, people aren't dying fast enough these days. It's a problem.