- [last lines]
- Les Nessman: Herb?
- Herb Tarlek: Mm?
- Les Nessman: Remember once telling me that you bet Jennifer had a round bed?
- Herb Tarlek: Yeah.
- Les Nessman: Well, it's rectangular, just like everyone else's.
- [Les stands up from his desk and leaves, with Herb jumping up from his seat in pursuit]
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [about Les managing to secure a date with Jennifer] Two to one, Herb kills himself.
- Venus Flytrap: Now I'm talkin' head in the oven, and I'm giving seven points.
- Arthur Carlson: [Everyone is arguing with him about all the memos and rules when Les, dressed up in sport jacket, ascot, and hairpiece, walks in and slams the door, stopping everything and everyone looks at him] Who is this?
- Les Nessman: [Confidently] It's me, Mr. Carlson! Les Nessman!
- Herb Tarlek: [showing Les how to ask Jennifer for a date] *This* is how you do it: "What do you say, beautiful, how about you and me getting it together tonight? You only go around once in life, so why not grab a little gusto?"
- Jennifer Marlowe: I don't like "little" gustos, Herb.
- Herb Tarlek: Oh, hey, I've got some good news. Lucille has gone to visit her mother for a week.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Oh, that is good news. I'm sure she'll enjoy the rest.
- Herb Tarlek: No, no, no. No, no, you don't understand. This is our big chance. I mean, my wife's out of town, no one would ever know if you and I, uh...
- Jennifer Marlowe: No.
- Herb Tarlek: No? Uh... why not?
- Jennifer Marlowe: I have a headache, I have to wash my hair, my mother's in town, I'm engaged.
- Herb Tarlek: Oh.
- Arthur Carlson: [about his no employee dating policy] Listen Les, I, I, I don't mind this fraternization thing. It's... just that I don't want any sex in the halls.
- Les Nessman: I'll try to behave myself, Mr. Carlson.