- Herb Tarlek: [to Mr. Hopkins] You know what we call problems in sales? We call them opportunities.
- J. Garrett Hopkins: [about Herb] Les, your friend is a twit.
- Les Nessman: I'll quit my job after fourteen years, I'll give it all up. I want to suffer. I never want to forget this. I'll wear this around like a heavy iron cross around my chest, and I'll never, never, ever give it up until the day I die.
- J. Garrett Hopkins: It's not enough.
- [last lines]
- Herb Tarlek: Yeah, well, I'm, ah, I'm out of insurance now, and, uh... I'd like my boat back.
- Les Nessman: Oh, I was going to talk to you about your boat this morning, Herb, but if you're out of the insurance business.
- Herb Tarlek: What about the boat?
- Les Nessman: It's gone.
- Herb Tarlek: Gone? You've had the boat one day, and it's gone?
- Les Nessman: Well, I've never driven one of those trailer hitches before, Herb.
- Herb Tarlek: My boat is gone. Where did this happen, Les?
- Les Nessman: Well, the last time I saw it was on Interstate 75. It was really rather a stirring sight, you know? Went right past me in the other lane. Little flag was fluttering out behind.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [on the air] All right, it's 9:30 in the AM, KRP time, the Doctor is on duty, and that was The Little River Band with a real nice one, Lonesome Loser. And, speaking of losers... Hey, Village People! Look, I wanna get serious with ya, nobody believes that any of you guys were in the navy, okay? Take my advice... Lose the Indian!
- [another record starts]
- Andy Travis: Listen, Herb, does this big-shot 60 Minutes Insurance Company pay off its claims?
- Herb Tarlek: Sure, ever since Mike got 'em the second time.
- [Mr. Carlson deliberately hands back to Herb the insurance policy Herb was trying to sell him]
- Les Nessman: [reading off the business card Herb has just handed him] "Herb R. Tarlek, Jr. Chief executive in charge of all broadcasting sales and marketing, WKRP in Cincinnati."
- Herb Tarlek: Go on, there's more.
- Les Nessman: "Also representing the Associated Amalgamated Company Limited as sales representative for all general and..." Oh, no.
- Herb Tarlek: [with a mischievous grin on his face] Oh, yes.
- Les Nessman: "... life insurance needs."
- Les Nessman: [carelessly dropping the business card as he slowly then more quickly backs away from Herb, who goes in pursuit] Oh no, please Herb, no. Herb, no. Herb!
- Andy Travis: Listen, I gotta talk to you about Herb.
- Arthur Carlson: [reading some documents intently on his desk] Okay.
- Andy Travis: This morning, I asked him to stop doing what he was doing, but he was still doing it by lunch, and I think you got to do something about it.
- Arthur Carlson: [looking up from his documents toward Andy] What's he doing?
- Andy Travis: Well, he's got a business going on the side, and he's bothering everyone in the station.
- Arthur Carlson: [clearing his throat] Well, uh, what, what kind of business?
- Andy Travis: [slightly chuckling] He's selling life insurance, and knowing Herb it has to be some fly by night outfit.
- Arthur Carlson: [holding up the documents toward Andy] You mean none of this stuff's any good?
- Jennifer Marlowe: [as the tattered crash victim is about to leave] Oh, Les...
- Les Nessman: I've always liked you, Jennifer. More than you'll ever... ever... ever... ever...
- [shakes his head]
- Les Nessman: never ever know!
- Herb Tarlek: Do you know something? I've got problems. Do you want to hear my problems?
- Tiffany Hopkins: [in a heavy English accent, the word she saying sounding like "now"] No.
- Herb Tarlek: Sure, why not.