WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)
Bailey's Show (1978)
Jan Smithers: Bailey Quarters
Photos
Quotes
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Jennifer Marlowe : Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey Quarters : Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer Marlowe : That's the way men do it.
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Andy Travis : Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : Yes?
Andy Travis : How about you. You got an idea?
Bailey Quarters : [standing up and clearing her throat] Yes, Andy, I do. My idea is to do a fifteen-minute talk show once a week called Cincinnati Beat.
Herb Tarlek : [sarcastically in a sing-song tone] Boring!
Bailey Quarters : [sincerely] What would make this show fresh and different is that we would talk to the average citizen who might not otherwise have a voice to the public.
Les Nessman : [to Andy] It's been done!
Bailey Quarters : It would also be an unusual show because... Johnny would be doing the interviews.
Herb Tarlek : [emphatically] That's nuts!
Bailey Quarters : And... and I would produce it.
Andy Travis : I beg your pardon?
Bailey Quarters : I... I would produce it.
Andy Travis : A little louder, Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : [with all her might] I said I would produce it!
Herb Tarlek : But you're just a rookie, Bailey.
Les Nessman : Andy, this isn't the Ohio State Journalism School. *This* is the big time.
Andy Travis : Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : [timidly] Yes?
Andy Travis : I like it. Go talk to Johnny, all right?
Bailey Quarters : Okay.
Andy Travis : Okay.
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Venus Flytrap : I think I'll split.
Bailey Quarters : Okay.
Mrs. Woodruff : You see, my Hatchback Supreme broke down on a deserted stretch of highway. Now that's when I saw the incredibly bright light in a field and felt myself compelled to walk toward it.
Venus Flytrap : [smiling] I think I'll stay.
Mrs. Woodruff : Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a group of strange people in gold lamé suits.
Venus Flytrap : That would either be The Temptations or The Four Tops.
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Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, to make a long *internationally copyrighted* story short, I was beamed aboard their spaceship, what they call a "get-gone", and transported to Ha-cha-cha Number Three. That's what you people call Mars.
Venus Flytrap : Did this place have heavy metal screens on the windows?
Mrs. Woodruff : Yes!
Venus Flytrap : Lucky guess.
Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, I was held on Number Three for, ooh, about two or three weeks, before I gained the confidence of Ernst, the divisional commander. I guess it was just a matter of knowing the right people, because Ernst got me transferred to the Caves of Grin. Which was minimum security. Still is, I guess.
Bailey Quarters : That was lucky.
Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes! Mm-hmm. Anyhow, one day I'm just sitting around, minding my own business, when a Drell comes up, who's obviously had one too many wowies. Well, I got his joy-stopper away from him, and shot him twice, right through the gnorl. Then I made my way back to Cincinnati.
Bailey Quarters : But you're okay now.
Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes. Except they're still after me. Uh, Ernst wants our son back. I can't really blame him.